A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I Lied. And You're the Only One Who Doesnt Know

Remember JT? I gave him two posts (the other one is here).

Since I havent' said anything about his appearance, (have I?), let me describe him. Well, he is 182 cm-tall, well-built because he does gym quite regularly, taking a French class, 24 y/o, working in a foreign banking company, and getting paid with Singaporean Dollar, which reaches 5000 SGD a month, driving his own car, living in his own apartment, a good chef, not the-DUGEM-guy, very monogamous, very smart and has a master degree, and above all, he is very romantic. He used to tell me once, that he just wants to take a care someone, showers him with love, watches him sleeping, gets to touch his forehead, and on and on. Gosh.

He always wants to be this mature man; one who can stand on his own, who can do everything right, and who can get whatever he wants. So, he refuses being childish in anything, including in love. Boy, I just wish he knows that in the name of love, you can't be the mature person here.. (which is also the same comment I left at Yuda's blog).

I agreed being his little brother a few months back, for he told me that he couldn't be with me despite my honest-confession. I am not his type, and I thought I have learnt this fact well. We've been chatting at YM lately, and he shared all his problems, his doubt, his pain, and his boyfriend - a very sweet one yet keeps him anxious. I was satisfied at the time. There was no burden between us, no lust involved, and no jealousy. I enjoyed the relationship more than I thought I would. Thus, I thought I have let him go.

But, it all starts coming back to me, when I face problems and he's not there..

Aren't memories supposed to fade?
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it, off let it go
Didn't think it would be this hard

Gosh, I am tired being mellow all the time. If he's not meant for me, why we have to meet this way? And why David Archuleta has to sing this song?

When I said that I could be your little-bro, dude, I lied. I lied.. And you seem to be the only one who doesnt know....

2 punches:

Dr Pr said...

well well, seperti gw bilang di YM

semakin lu sering cerita tt dia
semakin sering lu compare tt dia

ga ada, no one, bahakan malaikat juga, yang mungkin bisa pantes buat lu boy

lucky said...

the best friend is he is there when you got problem.
he give his ears for hearing you

he open his mouth for you to give advise

and he lend his hand to help you