The People Over

looking for a good friend, good looking, muscular and straight-like.

just a simple person.

for fun only.

I am out of message. 

I'll come to your place after working hours. 

male escort.

being single = not having to deal with another person's bull.

I want a boyfriend for a long term relationship. 

I am full top, really really manly, and good looking. 

for handsome only. 

dominance into bondage within range of possibilities... 

i need somebody to take me out of this adventure...

contact me. 

send your naked pics first. 

just for fun. 

discreet only. 

god, let me be normal. 

looking for not only sex.

Smile. You're on manjam.

But who are we? 

What I am?

Where  are  y    o    u    ?

The Unsent Letter

Hi, how are you? It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you're fine - no, I know you're fine because I pray for you silently, every night, before I go to bed. Part of it is wishing you're here with me, hugging me so tight and all the silly things you used to do with me..But most of it is just to wish you a very happy and healthy life ahead. There's no reason that you shouldn't be happy and whole and contended. 

Hey, I am fine too. I am trying so hard not to be sad every day, I am trying to be a more cheerful. Don't get all work up, I am really fine. It's just that, there are times when I need you to be my friend, someone I can talk to whenever I have a love matter. I need you to tell me that this guy and that guy can't be relied on and that I shouldn't be so stupid at the first time. Because you know me the best. You know me better than I do - which is why you did what you did at the time.... 

Gee, I keep finding myself trying to make a smile as I write this. You know, this year, I have learnt a lot of things - although it doesn't directly mean that I already master it well, but you know, stuff like growing up into a more mature person - they're supposed to be a never-ending lesson, right? Now I have come to the term that perhaps you don't want to be my friend anymore - perhaps it's too hurtful to think about all those things that happened and didn't happen in the past - or whatever we could have but we didn't. I get that. Long as you're happy, and whole, like I mentioned in the first lines, then I am happy. I have to be happy. 

Speaking of happiness, hey it's your birthday again. I found myself playing the same music you liked - I didn't know if you still liked them - then summoning up all my strength to cheer up a little bit. I remembered the first time we celebrated my birthday - and your birthday - together. I'd carry them as I progress along with my life. 

Happy birthday, my dear eternal spring. Happy belated birthday. I wish you to have a really happy life ahead, perhaps a nice family to come home to, and that you'd never be lacking of anything. 


hugs,
ed........

The Trial Ends Here

 

there's always someone somewhere 

hotter, younger, prettier, smarter, nicer, 

and so on. 

but there's no saying if they are better. 

so stop comparing.

The Question Mark

you want society to accept you but you can't even accept yourself - Erik Lensherr 

But the best way to accept oneself..is to come out?

Journey

 

 

the distance between you

and happiness, 

you know,

is only

one heart away.

The Closeted Life

 

there's the past. 

there's the future.

there's the now. 

where should I 

put you?

The Warmth

from between the spaces of your hand

the sun was shining

and you hugged me so bright 

The Man Outside the Rain

Rain. It's raining.

And I remember you,

in the way that makes my heart burn. 

The way that makes me want to crawl inside a warm blanket, 

and never have to face the world again, 

for it's too blurry without you. 

Rain, it's raining. 

And I have always loved it,

in the way that my heart foolishly clings to you,

to the past, to those memories. 

Rain, it's raining. 

And I know,

I will be better.

The Letters I Wrote to Myself

 

 

Here's how I preserve you in my mind: 

w o r d s.

You. .

 

It only takes one word from you,

to make me drop all the things here, all the life I have here, 

to be with you. 

So perhaps, the silence is also a way of you telling me to take care of myself,

just myself. .

Reality Bites.

 

 

Why didn't I find you,

inside his hug? 

The Life Ahead

We were the twilight, the light that ended too fast too soon. 
Then it takes me the whole life time just to try to forget... 

The Someone From the Past

 

I have never known that the leaves, 

the sky, 

the moth, 

the days, 

the nights, 

the rains,

could be so beautiful.. 

but then I met you.

The Feeling

 

feels like a dejavu 

or is it just a fragile unforgettable past? 

 

feels like a painful sorrow 

or is it just a sweet memory lies beneath heaven of you? 

 

feels like a melodious symphony 

or is it just an unfinished song you can no longer sing?

 

-12 Aug 2007- 

*trying to rejuvenate what it's like being the old me: so hopeful, so naive, so childish, so fearless..

The End

 

The vocalist was begging his someone not to let him drown, not let him down. 

He did that repeatedly, because that's the only way he knew he could go on living,

for there's no way to get that someone out of his lonely mind. 

That perhaps he's already walked down the path to the very end and he's stuck and he's got nowhere else to go. 

He's suffering.

I am too, for in a way or two,his song sang to me.

About how I am feeling about you.  .

*Song was taken from Secondhand Serenade's END..

The Thorn in Every Roses

For every minutes you spend with me,

I could be the 10,000 reasons for you to hate me,

to not love me, to walk away,

to give up on me, to not care. 

For every seconds that I want to spend with you,

there's nothing else I want

but for you to stay true,

despite the thorn and the pain and the questions..  

The Sleeping Beauty

I had no idea what an insomniac night was like,

until the day you left and 

had me wondering with thousand of questions inside my head.

I had no idea what a cold heartless night was like,

until the day you packed and

took along the warmth inside your hug. 

 

The Wet like The Tears But Never Warm

You've come and gone like a rhythm of the rain.

You've spoken and silenced like the rhyme in the rhythm. 

I've celebrated you in the dances and the songs.

the tap, the hum, the clap. 

I've tried to catch you within my two palms.

I have wanted you to stay and say. 

But eventually, you're just the rain. 

The Umbrella Doesn't Shelter Your Heart

 

You know, the rain has finally stopped. The sky above us is finally clear again. The smell of the soil; ugh, I just want to bottle it and put it beside my window, so whenever the wind passes by, I can remember again what the sweet longing tastes like. 

Yes, the rain has finally stopped. It's time to close the umbrella, to celebrate the puddle in your yard, and to take a really depth breath. It might not always be a rainbow waiting, still it promises some kind of freedom. 

 

So I believe that there will also be a day, when the rain in my heart will also stop.. 

The Shelter in You

 

 

You remember the time when you opened your arms so wide you could actually hug a tree?

You remember the time when you offered me an umbrella when it's raining outside so heavily?

Or the time when it's too cold in the night, and you're awake because I couldn't sleep then you asked me if I was cold and you shared me your blanket anyway? 

You remember the time when we're about to cross the street and you just walked a bit in front of me to protect me from the traffic?

You remember the time when we're in this one cinema, and you held my hand so tight because you wanted to share your joy?

And the time when you'd make me smile whenever I told you I had a bad day?

Because I do remember.

Because they're the times when I am reminded again and again,

that being with you,

I

am

the

safest 

person

in

this

big world..