A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.

-Self-Quote-

Saturday, January 31, 2009

About Relationship




Lately, a dear friend of mine told me that he's kind of bored with his relationship. It was a long-distance one, so I couldn't blame nor judge him. I know that an LDR could be very difficult, and some people can't make it through. Anyway, I just wish the best for him. They deserve each other.

Yet, on myself, the fact begs more questions. We all know that men are not created to be faithful. Maybe some are amazingly faithful, but how do we know which is faithful? What makes this guy faithful? What do people do when they're bored and 'saturated'? What do they do to bring some cheerful variance in their relationship? And, the most important one: are we ourselves faithful enough?

For me, I once told my ex that I wouldn't mind if he cheated on me. I didn't mind the affair, and I still don't now. Sound desperate, doesn't it? But I have my own reason. I believe that when one decides to engage in a relationship, he doesn't lose all of himself to the word 'US'. He is still him, and when he wants to stay true, it means he does it for himself. He says to himself, "I don't cheat, because I don't want to."

One doesn't do things because of his significant other. One just doesn't say that 'I do it for you and bla bla'. To me, if one told me that he does things for me, it sounds like he's doing trade. Because once someone does thing for his beloved one, it's much likely that he expects something in return. So, it's like he's buying this currency to stay in a relationship.

Then I remember a scene from the series Queer As Folk. This musician, Ethan, romanced Justin, then cheated on him. Ethan told him that it wasn't fair that Justin still stayed with Brian even he knew that Brian slept with many other guys. Justin told him that it wasn't the same, because Brian never told him that he loved him. Ethan did. I guess I am this Justin.

To add that point, I also don't believe that our significant other completes us. It doesn't make sense, for me, despite how romantic it sounds. I do believe that, it takes two to tango, and to do the tango well, both have to master the technique well. So, when you're in a relationship, it means that you are a complete person, he is a complete person, and you both share the joy in doing the tango. Imagine if you tango with a partner who doesn't know how to: the tango would be awkward and awful and meaningless.

And finally, when one said, "I am bored.", does he even think about how his partner would feel? Maybe his partner feel the same, and he just need to talk about it honestly. It's what relationship is, isn't it? You talk and share. You don't freak out, you don't judge, because you know you love him.










5 punches:

Zhou Yu said...

I got 2 agree with the statement that in a relationship, there is still a concept of 'me'.

Ryan said...

I agree with the concept of doing something for oneself, not for the other half of the couple - though it's quite hard to do in the actual matter. But I believe in 'completing each other' concept. It's not that one of the couple can tango and the other one cannot do it so well. It's the concept that one of the person knows how to do the tango step and the other is better at following the rhythm. Therefore, the one who knows the step can teach his partner and the one who is better at following the rhythm can guide his partner, so that when they do tango together it will be a beautiful tango. The point is that they may be good apart, but they are always better together. Just my thought ;)

MIG said...

there are many concept out there.. bur for us, we build our own standard. We dont live people's life anyway hihi..

lucky said...

Ego, my friends, ego is the key.

Relationship does not mean surpress one's ego over another.

But how to balance each side's ego.

When it achieved, it means "understanding"

Reis's said...

@ryan
A nice perspective. But I still can't believe the concept. Anyway, the one who gets you in the end, would be very lucky. :)

@MIG
It's call compromise, I think.

@lucky
Balance.. well, I think this is the point where you start to lose yourself to the relationship..

@all
Don't get me wrong, but I'm not talking about a selfish love here. :)