A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Friday, May 16, 2008

The Guy From The Past (1)

I was in my last year of high school at the time. The time when I met this guy, JT, over a cyber room. We started everything fine, he was very friendly and gentle. He was tall, he was smart, he was mature for the guy of his age, which was only one year older than I was at the time.

I offered a friendship. He wanted a more serious relationship. I was reluctant, because I barely knew him. Still, I gave it a try. It was only a matter of time, that I learnt that he was from Medan, at the time was in Singapore for his undergraduate study. We emailed a lot, from serious things to fun and foolish things. Everything was just perfect. Then I began to get attached to his mails. We could exchange 3 or 4 mails in a day. Maybe more, I cant remember exactly.

It was at December 2001 when we came back to Medan. He called me, we chatted almost every night, and it was always more than 3 hours of conversation. And I started to think, Hey, maybe he's the one. I let myself falling in love. Partly because my heart beat fast and rapid, whenever he was about to call. It's like having a premonition, and it worked only with him. I would know if he was to call me. I just knew, because of this rapid heartbeat.

We met then. He was a very cute guy, but I do not fall for a cute guy. So I got convinced, that I really loved him. Yet I just let my stillness speak. I couldnt tell hi anything about this feeling, because I was that old-fashioned fool.

A month after, he went back to Singapore. And that was the time when everything changed rapidly. He promised me before that he would let me know when he's already there safely, and he would always reply my mail. My every mails. But he was vanished. Without any explaination. And it hurt. It threw me to a dark big hole. I was confused. I got no one to talk to.

And in time, I learnt to give up my expectation. Because it helped reducing the pain a little. Then I met my ex. We were friends, and he told me that it was nobody fault that he's vanished. That I had to wake up, be strong, and mend myself. I tried.

It was before I became balanced again, when he replied my mail. He told me to move on, to be a better person, and a good girl to be with. He said he quit the plu world. I was silenced. People told me that it was impossible, but I believed him. He wouldnt lie. He had no reason. And in my fall, my ex proposed me to be his boyfriend. I agreed... Because I need somebody to run to. I know. I know it's my fault. I know I am not suppose to act that way, because it's not fair. Yet, I tried to love my ex. I guess, I did love my ex. I didnt even cry for this JT guy, but I cried for my ex 3 times, and those were not because I felt guilty. I didnt regret my relationship with this ex. And I didnt even think about this JT guy anymore, not more than a friend in Singapore. At least, that was what I could conclude, through a few messages via friendster.

It was recently, I found out everything...

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