I am feeling nausea.

Spending one whole week with guys - some are muscular, some are at least in a good shape, and no women at all - I felt nausea. I lost my lust. I felt shameful. I was ashamed.

And coming back to my routine activity just now, meeting a few cute boys around, I felt the same nausea. Suddenly it all was so familiar to me. It felt wrong. I felt tired. I wont fight no more. It's time to surrender. I cant do this anymore. I wont do this anymore....