A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Theraphy #4? or 5?

They're all 3-word sentences so I'd have things to say to you instead of the three words that are... that are killing me... The three words that you know I feel but I can't say them, because it would be cruel to say them because I am no good for you. I don't want to torture you. I don't want to look at you longingly when I know I can't be with you. So,yeah,I'm smiling and I'm saying "take care now." I'm letting you off the hook. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to let you off the hook.............. [Owen Hunt to Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy s05e21, in front of Seattle Grace Hospital]

This week's theme is melancholy. Sigh. Sigh. I've been trying so hard to wake up from the mud of melancholy, yet it's as if that it knows me by my name. So it's like that it's following me around and wont let me off the hook. That's creepy. Wait, is it just me?

I turn to empty air around me. I turned to here and here, and I found the same taste. The old and familiar feeling. So yeah, I've been listening again to some mellow songs. I've been insomniac again, because the loneliness and the darkness are suddenly scarier than ever.

I even cried over Grey's Anatomy. I'm being a cry-baby lately. I dont like it. On one hand, it means that my shield isn't that strong enough. On the other hand, it means that I'm normal. Far more normal than I thought. Because melancholy hits everybody. Not just me.

So I was thinking.

Maybe melancholy is not too bad after all. Like I've said before, it's like a scar. It's a living proof that you have loved, you have fought, but you just lost. And it doesnt really matter. Because you know - I know - that you're going to be just fine. That it's okay to be a cry-baby once in a while.

And the most important thing is, it's about time to really wake up. Nobody's perfect. Nobody will exactly fit your type. Nobody will exactly share the same chemistry. It's time to grow up. Because though maybe my significant other someday wouldnt really be a prince charming in a shining armor, it shouldnt matter. Though he's away very very much ordinary, I'd know I love him. Sincerely. Faithfully. Eternally.

It wont be that long. As I know, we would find each other.. .

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