Scar (To Those Who Have Just Had Their Heart Broken. WB.

The contest is a lions' fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds, celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You were in a lions' fight, Stevens. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar. [Richard Webber, to Isobel Stevens, Grey's Anatomy s04e12]

There's this thing called love. It blossoms on any soil, from the shiny palace to muddy swamp, from dawn to dusk, or even at time when you don't expect, much and it brings joy and beauty. You're suddenly this high-school boy again. Though the nurturing part is sometimes tiring, annoying, and making you wanna give up to some extent, you know deep inside your heart, you can't let it go. You won't. You don't want to. Because you're bonding. Because you have put your hope and faith to it.

Sometimes, you even think you're miserable. You think of him 24 hours a day - or maybe 16 hours a day, if in 8 hours of your night-sleep, you don't dream about him. You wanna meet him at every chances, and sweet nothings and words of love are just not enough to describe what you feel. You wanna kiss him. You wonder if he feels the same too. You wanna tell the world how much you love him, and here the problem comes: you can't do that, because you're not ready. Because the closet inside you is still a very comfortable place to escape from the cruel world. Partly, because you can't risk it all for a guy.. After all, you're a man too. You know exactly what men think. You know that your investment on opening up yourself is too big compared too the risk you're taking. You know that men aren't created to be faithful.

So, here's the misery again. You keep playing hide and seek. You become paranoids and anxious. But you can't let go. So you're telling yourself: This is not wrong. AJ is not a criminal. I am fine. It's love.

But is it worth it? Do you love him more than you love yourself? Or is it just better than being alone after all? Or just two men, with the same need, meet at one junction, and 'okay, lets do it'?

Then you lost the fight. He left you. Or he stopped choosing you. For someone else. For some ridiculous reasons like getting married. Marriage or parents may be a good reason. But it is lousy and cheesy. It only suggests one thing: you're not worth it for him to come out or to be claimed as his significant other. You keep second-guessing yourself. You're devastated. But you know, you'll heal. You'll find another guy. And the taste won't be the same.

This is not the first time. But each, still leaves you different kinds of scars.

Life, is not only about love, after all. Dont you think so?
Life, is too short to drown yourself in misery, thinking that you're damaged and scary and bitchy and nobody wants you.
Life, is too short for all that melancholic stuff..Once is a while is okay lar.
So now, lets celebrate. Anything. Your life. Your broken-heart. Your ex. Your future. Anything. You'll get better. Dont punish yourself more. You're not a choice for him. You're everything and the only one for someone else you have yet to meet.


And moreover, I know that you know..
that....

....doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. [Alex Karev, Closing Voice Over, Grey's Anatomy s05e19]