A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Life is like a street with too many junctions. Each leads you to mysterious future, one you'll never know, unless you walk down the path. The path then has other junctions you'll have to take. So it's like never ending.

Sometimes, you just have to turn right, turn left; and no, you don't turn straight. You know what I mean.

I mean, what defines us? What defines the word 'AJ'?
Is it because you- a male - sleep with other male - or a female - sleep with another female?
I believe not so. You are an AJ when you do think about having sex with same-sex people. So, a mere thought defines who we are. We enjoy thinking or having sexual fantasy about guys, don't we?

And this thought, this joy, this fantasy, can't be repressed. You may thought that you have stopped thinking. Or that you have stopped having sex about the guys. But once an aj, you're an aj forever. You dont turn straight, even if you're married. Even if you kiss your bride of the opposite sex, you make love with her, and you think you're safe.

But it doesnt change who you are. It doesnt change anything, but your cover story. You put the marriage in front of this magazine, but it does not represent your whole life. Because at the back of the magazine, at the point you dont wanna see, you know deep down inside, you still have the curiosity. Curiosity that drives you crazy, and makes you want to touch him. You may lead a happy life. Oh yes, you will. But you know there's this hole, a small yet disturbing hole in your heart. It's like, you choose a salad over a sphagetti, while sphagetti is always your favorite. You keep telling yourself that salad is okay, and you just keep the sphagetti under the table. But the sphagetti isn't gone. It doesn't disappear.

So, the point here is, we don't choose who we are. We don't have the privilege to do so. Being aj is not a choice. Marriage isn't also a choice. Marriage is not supposed to be a choice. It's supposed to be an agreement. Or, whatever. I don't really like the idea of marriage. It's a stupid institution. It doesn't prove anything. It's just a license you'll have to pay for your whole lifetime. It's not commitment. It's not even responsibility. And to the top of that, you don't choose to get married because you don't wanna grow old alone. Or because you want a better cover story. Or whatever it is.

Love is not a choice. Making love to whom, it is also not a choice.
It's supposed to be pure. Even when people said it's forbidden, or the religious one said that it's sinful. Or it is not proper. Whatever.

3 punches:

lucky said...

Kok gw merasa sedikit terintimidasi ya bro?? Tp gw ga mo memperpanjang bahasan ini.
Yang sabar ya di tempat kerjamu sekarang. Klo ada kesempatan, sekali-kali ikutan kopdar di jkt.

Sebenarnya kita penasaran sih, kayak apa yang namanya Reis itu?bhs inggrisnya bagus banget (klo ngomongin orang tp baik2 ga papa kan?)

Reis's said...


peace. hahaha

Zhou Yu said...

Ah, well, sebenernya aku sampe sekarang masih belum nangkep kepanjangan dari AJ, bro.. Apa sih itu?