The Love of Siam..

 warning: SPOILER!

(+)Ohh. Too bad. That's the last piece.
(-) It's ok. I'm happy enough that you bought this for me.

How do you know when is the first time you feel the love in your heart? Do you realise it when you feel that your heart is pounding? Or when you find yourself keep thinking about him? Or is it just the rush in the first minutes when your eyes meet his, then you have this urge that you simply can't avoid, can't escape, nor can you hide?

For me, I prefer a love that appears so silently, so suddenly, that you don't even realise that it's love, until the very first day you find yourself can't live without him. You agonize over the misery of parting with him. And you keep counting the day, till you both will meet again. Then you start to wonder, when the day comes under your nose, what would have been? What would you say? Would he still be the same? Nevertheless, you hold this ticket so tight in your heart, travelling through the train of time, and hoping that one day, you'd make a stop at a right station: a station which would bring you guys together again...

Have you heard that there is a place?

If we get there, we
will have everything.

It will wait for us at the end of the way.

And we need only one ticket.

We can go and come back many times.

What will you tell me when you come back?

I'm wondering if it's true.
I want to see it.

Even if I have to go by foot.
If there's something when I get there.

Even if the ticket is so expensive.

Whatever I have to pay, I'll get it.

So, there they were. They eventually met. And it was difficult to avoid the chemistry between the two teenager. Was it because they're childhood friends? Was it because they're finally meeting each other again? Was it because of love? Was it because the sweet past that Tong had before his sister was gone?

So many 'how have you been?'s were thrown in the atmosphere, and you can't help but smile. It was sweet. It was adorable. But did Tong come in too late? Too late in the sense that Mew was already damaged to some point that he was actually feeling frighteningly lonely... But is there really a 'too late' in term of love?

If we love someone so much, How can we bear it that one day we will be separated by death? And... that losing someone is part of life? Is it possible, Tong? That we love someone, and we're not afraid of losing them. At the same time, I was wondering...Is it possible...that we can live without loving anyone at all? That's my loneliness..I have lived with it for 5 years. I really know how bad that feels. And it will get worse....

And in the end, were those question really important? Because they actually met. You'd think that he could help Mew wipe away the sorrow, the pain, and he could actually share his loneliness. So he let his guard down. It was like finding the lyrics for your melody. And together, you're just completed. Mew wrote the song, so beautiful that it was actually painful, especially when you knew what happened in the end. To see such a sweet and happy smile from his face; it was like he's saying that he'd finally met someone. Someone that made everything seemed to be not that worse.

That song. It's so beautiful. How did you write it?
Umm. Without you, there won't be such a song. What do you say after listening to it?
I don't know.

Then a kiss. A kiss was supposed to be more than a word could say, wasn't it? You touched your lips, and you could still feel the warmth. You're happy that you didn't even try to ask: what was that kiss for? Why did he kiss me? Was it a love so pure? Was it a feeling so naive? Was it something that you just won't find anymore? There, I actually could draw a line: It's love, it's not lust. Puppy love, you might say; Not real, you might judge, but really, it's not time to be so cynical here.

So, as the minutes of the movie went by, there was this hope, in my chest, that this was finally it. That this is the happy ending I have longed for.

I can't be with you as a boyfriend, but it doesn't mean I don't love you..

My world stopped.

I had to admit that what Tong said bothered me a lot, to the extent that I cried, alone, in the middle of the night. Yet I was also amazed to find myself trying to look for a reason why they couldn't be together. Come on, Tong said he loved Mew. I am a person who believes that there shouldn't be any other reason that two people are not in a relationship other than that they don't love each other enough. Then, does that mean Tong was just not that into Mew? If that's not the reason, then what? Was it because Tong perhaps thought that he wasn't the best for Mew? Was it because his family background and condition were already leaving no room for Mew? Or...

...was it because destiny forbid them being together? 

I can see no path that can lead me forward

In darkness with my lonely heart

In darkness without your heart near mine

The night can be so very long,

When I can see no light from the sky

The more I look around, the more I become afraid

Of the night that has yet to pass

Is there any other way to go?

I know the sun will shine tomorrow

When we are in the new morning,

I hope that we will find the way

Or my heart will be in the endless night

When the sorrow of yesterdays,

come crushing on my lonely heart

The reason I lost our love is because

I neglected the needs of both our hearts

My suffering became an endless night

but it will soon come to pass

As long as time goes by so will my sorrow

Because the thought of our love means there is no endless night

When we are in the new morning, we'll find a way from this endless night

You must recognize the familiar dark feeling inside your heart. Still, within the same time, there's also this hope you keep burning. That we all are struggling to come to terms with who and what we are.

And as I was writing this, I was once again reminded: Why there must be a label for everything? One just has to label his own feeling towards someone: hate? love? anxious? worry? Throw me your adjectives. So many out there describing the sole emotion we have. Is it just me or is it true that emotion supposedly can't be described with words? Then after the label for what you feel, you go on labelling him. What do you want him to be in your life? A friend? A soul-mate? A boy-friend? The one and only? What? Has LABEL become an important part in our life? What does it show? A commitment? A respect? Responsible? Can we be happy without the label? Or are we just gonna end up un-satisfied, wondering, and all?

Overall, would I say that this is sad? Despite the tears?

No.

I would say that this movie is so beautiful. So haunting, because once more, we're shown that there's hope. There's love. There's happiness...

...Because you have so much love for one another.
Even though, sometimes,it seems to be too much...that it hurts you, but I believe...when time goes by...we would all understand...that there is no such thing as 'too much love'.

And deep down, I promise to myself, that I'd be happy.

I'd be happy with the love filling my chest, for a man standing so close by my side....

But now,

well,

I could really use a hug. :-)