The Dream Guy

Ally: Love isn't always enough.
Larry: Yeah, it is. You go without it long enough, and you realize it's everything.

Ally:....

(Ally McBeal, s04e10)

It was a lovely afternoon when a blogger next-door asked me specifically about the guy of my dream. Frankly, I don't know why he cared - well, later he revealed that he wanted me to stick to that dream, because one day the guy would exist for me, like what happened to him - because I don't really care about the dream-guy - I'd tell you later why. Yet, I told him nevertheless.

It brought me to this memory when I was still in high school. No, it's not a senior from my school, and it's not my teacher. But it was this guy on television. Yeah, you're allowed to laugh now. To be more specific, it was a guy from this series, Ally McBeal. Well, at some point, I kind of come to a conclusion that if you're PLU, then you must know about the series.

I was not a regular fan back then, given my dark background, but I managed to watch a very few episodes about him, on RCTI; of which were enough to profile the guy of my dream. So, meet Larry Paul, portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. He joined the cast for only one season, season 4, and you'd notice the guy recently from Iron Man, after he's back from his narcotics past. But really, I was not a fan of this Robert guy, so my attraction to Larry Paul was not because he's cute or something like that.

But if it's not the case, then what? What exactly do I see in Larry Paul?

Come in the first position is that he's smart. Very smart that he's playful. Playful in a gentle way, not in a jerk way. The look he gave from his glasses? Speechless. Yet, he's so damaged, to some extent, that he's carrying this pain in his chest. But he's not dwelling in it too much. He moved forward, and let himself to love and be loved. He learnt from his failure in love, instead of letting himself being miserable. He let himself being a fool in front of Ally, because he's not a chauvinist nor a bigot. He's not a narcissistic guy that he got room for his lover. My God, he even put a red-blinking ball onto his nose, and it's adorable. He's miserable every Christmas, but he's willing to let Ally cheer him up. He played the piano, and he composed a song for Ally, after his being honest that he kissed his ex. And above all, he didn't step back when he knew that Ally had her own insecurity. He didn't rush everything, which showed that he's got a very good self-control. He tried to understood, and hence, fight for Ally. He listened to Ally, took her seriously, and HE DIDN'T JUDGE. He respected Ally that much. And I adored him that much, and sincerely wished that this time Ally had really met the one, that Larry would stay.

But He chose his son. I didn't quite remember, but I was actually picking this series as I'm writing this post, so hopefully I'd know the details. Deep down, I know that I shouldn't be affected. I knew that back then, Robert was hardly concious from his drugs that the producer had to let him go. It's a lousy plot there, but nevertheless, I was devastated.

So there I sat, watched the love filling the atmosphere in the cathode tube of the television. I told myself that I'd get a guy like that, someday. I prayed so hard for it. But soon as I grow up - and thus, older - I learn that reality wasn't always that sweet. Based on my experience, most guys around me nowadays don't really know the word 'Responsible', let alone 'Respect'. One day they could tell you that they love you, but then the next day, you'd be the last priority. One day he could tell you that you mean so much for him, but then as the hardship strikes, he's just the same selfish person you'd meet on street that he actually thought you're bugging him when you shared what you felt. And it's even harder for us, AJ crowd, because it's only a slightly thin line between love and lust. And the closet we're hiding in? It's so comfortable that there's really no use to talk about a long future together. You must be very familiar with the term 'I'm required to get married one day', right?

Wait, am I being bitter, here? I hope not. I know that it really takes two to tango. You need to be a good guy, to deserve another good guy. Commitment is also about tolerance, if not indulgence. It's about understanding, and to some point, you'd say that love only is not enough - or to the worst extent, you'd say that it's a BS. But where do we draw the line? Just because he happens to be the guy of our dream, does that mean he's flawless? Does that mean we have to stick to him no matter how a jerk he turns to be? Do we really need to let him define us?

So, when you ask me about my dream-guy? Honestly, it's not my priority now. Because by time, I learn to compromise, to try to be wiser, to be more mature. I lament, of course - all.the.time, you might say - but who doesn't? Try to go longer without love. Try to love someone so deeply - your first love, even - to the extent that you share everything with him, only to be let go for a very vague reason. Try to meet with so many jerks, that you start to wonder: what's wrong with me?

But to the top of all, I still do believe in fairy-tale. If you ask me whether there's even a slight hope that I'd be lucky enough to meet my dream-guy, I'd still say YES. But I also understand that it's okay that the fairy-tale don't come true. Because I'd still be fine. Because I also know that not everybody could meet his dream-lover. It's perhaps once in a blue-moon.