Therapy Session #3

Being mellow is tiring.
So, I am tired.
Aren't you tired too?
Yeah, I am so so tired.
So tired that I don't wanna do this again.
GOSH, I even forget WHY I DO THIS.
HAHAHA, silly. Silly silly boy! LOL.
It's time, to warp again all the crap from the past,
All the rubbish from my aging-heart.
It's time to be human again.
It's time to see the surface, again.
To recognize again the taste of the sun.

It's about choice.
It's not destiny.
Nobody is destined to be alone.
Neither do I.
Even if he's not gonna come, so what?
I am not gonna get married anyway.
I have my plans. Not involving anybody else, but me.
I'll have my own world.
My own self.
My own journey.
Even if it's alone.

Because I don't care.
I don't give it a damn.
Because I am human.
I am not dark.
No, not anymore.
I am not twisted.
No, not anymore.
I am not damaged.
No, not anymore.

I AM CHEERFUL.
I AM HAPPY.
I AM CONTENTFUL.
I AM.. myself.
I won't deny myself
I AM.. just myself.
Why would I need to deny myself?
I am single.
I am single, and happy.
Well, not that happy, anyway,
but who can have enough happiness?
I am single, happy, and AVAILABLE.
Well, how can someone be single and not-available?
HE must be very very miserable.
No offense, dude.
You know it's true.
Truth hurts.
It stings like a bee.

Anyway,
I love people. I do.
I loved him. I did.
I loved JT. I did.
I loved this guy I met 16th January. I did.
I loved my ONS#2 guy.I did.

BUT
I don't love them enough.
I love me, MORE. I do.

So, I AM FINE.
I AM SO FINE. Yeah, I am.
You want me?
Catch me,
if
you
can.



you know you love me,
xoxo
ed.