If Only I were him

I woke up last night. Not feeling well. I saw him still sleeping beside. I felt peace. I didn't wanna disturb him. So, I got up carefully, silently, to his small kitchen. I needed a drink.


Still, he woke up. Because he is that kind of person; who could feel me - well, I don't know exactly, but I guess, the word 'feel' could describe it most.


He asked me if I was okay. I told him I was just thirsty and I needed a drink. He smiled. When I was back, he was still awake. He smiled again. The same smile, as always. I crawled into bed. And he touched my forehead. He always does that. Then his expression changed. You're burning, he told me. He got up, grabbed a thermo, and then put it in my mouth. After confirming his theory, he gave me paracetamol. I slept, then. Soundly. Because of the drug, maybe. But I knew, he's not asleep. He lied there all night long, making sure I was okay.


I woke up early this morning. Not feeling well. But I knew, I was okay.
He smiled to me again. And a bowl of bubur kacang ijo was waiting for me. He cooked it early this morning. I smiled at him. I knew, I loved him.............................

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First, I dont know the English of Bubur Kacang Ijo is, so I hope that doesnt disturb you enough. And no, that is NOT what has happened to me. It happened to JT's boyfriend. Replace the word 'He' to JT. And yes, this did happen. We're online last night, and he told me that his boy boy was not feeling good, a fever or something. And he was staying over - He stays over at JT's 4 to 5 times a week - so JT cooked the bubur for him.

I was silenced. I was gasping. I was drowning.
I thought that I needed a fresh air.
But then, I was happy. Happy with a bit jealous.
Not because I am not with JT - I am so past over him, but because they have each other. They're not alone. I was alone last night. I was not feeling well last night. I had a fever too. But I just slept. And woke up beside nobody.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
You know, when my someone finally comes, I'll make him pay out all the misery he causes for coming in so late. LOL.