A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Friday, August 10, 2007

First Love

my first love.. take it,..or leave it!

I have known the term love since I was in my third year of elementary. To some of you, maybe it seems that I was a late bird, a geek who’s being very nerd. Yet I am sure that to some of you, maybe it sounds that a little pervert has been born. (lol!)

But me myself officially knew my first love while I was in my second year of secondary. The ‘lucky’ guy was my senior, he’s straight, one of the bright students in his class, taller than I was (at the time), and kinda popular. He’s a sexy accent in his voice; he’s handsome, and adorable.

I remembered myself always staring at him for a far, having heart throb whenever I walked pass him, and finding myself wondering what his smiles were. Okay, I admit that I didn’t notice it was love, not until I was in my second year of senior high. Still I hope this doesn’t bring you a thought that I have been gay since secondary.. I always hate this question, so please, don’t even start.

So I learned his name, his address, his hobbies when I was in my third year of secondary. I had been his secret admirer, without even courage to approach him – to be his friend, of course, don’t stop getting dirty – and yes, I had wild fantasies about him.

Then the moment came to me.

I was in my first year of senior high at the time. It was late evening, but I was still in school, not studying nor learning anything, for your information, but waiting for my elder bro. He was learning guitar from second year students.

At the time, being able to play guitar was said to be an extra point if you’re approaching girls. Since I was not interested, I didn’t learn playing. Besides, I am sucks at music.
The first-love-guy, Straight Steve, was also one of the guitar players, and I had been dreaming that he would sing a love song for me. I know, it sounds like… ehm, whatever. Well, He was playing a mandarin song that evening near me, and a few people started to gather around him to sing along with him.

After he finished, I bet he noticed me talking to everyone there but him. Then he said something like, ‘Hey why we didn’t get to introduce ourselves to each other? We should be friends.’
And I was like…. WHAT? Anyway, trying to calm myself down, trying to look as cool as possible, I introduced myself to him, then I heard myself asking him to sing a song for me.

At first he’s just confused, and a bit nervous, I bet, because he told me that he’s no good at all in playing guitar. I told him that I didn’t need it to be superb; and that he had to do it for the celebration of our new friendship. He agreed, singing a song ‘Temani Aku’ (=accompany me) from Sheila on 7, a popular band at the time.

And now, I found myself sitting on the beach at Anyer, watching the dark horizon in front of me and the wavering sea. My friends, including Hateful Har, and I were visiting the beach; he was playing guitar and we were singing silently… That drove me to my long-forgotten memory about Straight Steve.

Somehow, I miss my senior high. I miss Straight Steve a lot, though I no longer have a special kind of something to him. It ended when I was in my second year of senior high, when I met Leery Leon. I’ll tell you about him another time.
The sun set a long time ago, the wind was blowing but it’s not really cold at the night. I wonder how he’s been lately, what he’s doing, who’s the lucky girl, and everything… I just wish for his happiness. And for mine, of course. Coz everybody deserves to be happy, right?

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