A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Saturday, August 11, 2007

You're (not) my Everything

No, this ain’t about the melancholic song sung proudly by Glen Fredly.

Are you the one..?

Last weekend I visited Bogor, and while I was there I couldn’t help myself going to Gramedia – a local and famous bookstore. The store is nearby my friend’s residence, where I stayed over. The fact that you can read the books for free there makes it become a mini paradise for me. Hey, I’m not being a nerd or book geek here, but reading is fun.

I usually choose anime (=comic book), because it helps me relaxing. Maybe some of you would choose to read some non-fiction books like Tung Desem’s Financial Revolution or maybe Buku Pelajaran Sejarah kelas Satu SMU (=History for the First Year of Senior High), but that’s not typically me. When I go to a bookstore, I’m looking for fun, so why would I read some brain-taking books?


That was when I found this novel. Written by Andrei Aksana –a male novelist who gives you a gay first impression, and He is gay, but not that handsome, with not so good talent at music composition nor singing but well-known as singing-author for he also provides an OST for his novels – the novel is about a woman who can’t get pregnant because certain problems, who then asked her husband to have a child with another woman. Well, sounds familiar, huh? It’s very boring for me, so typical, so lame, and so not making any sense. Anyway, because I didn’t have anymore books to read, I took the book, turned to the last pages, and I found the writing. It had nothing to do with the story, but I guess it told its readers how Andrei got the idea for the novel.

Andrei wrote that he was in Amsterdam, the weather was cold, and he was waiting for someone. Apparently, it was his last day there. He didn’t wish this someone would come, as he knew that they couldn’t continue their relationship. This someone had asked him to stay there, but Andrei just couldn’t leave anything he had in Indonesia.. He didn’t mention this someone was a male or female, but – oh, wasn’t it that obvious? He is gay! But, like I care.

The simple writing, written beautifully, reminded me about last episodes of QAF season 1, where Mike’s boyfriend, the hot doctor, had to leave the town to be with his son. He asked Mike to come with him, and they had this fight. At the end, Mike asked him if he would do the same for him – leaving all he had had; career, friends, family, just to be with his beloved one – his boyfriend said that he wouldn’t..

This makes me wonder.

I always believe love could conquer it all. But reality has provided me evidence that love couldn’t win over logic. That even you love him very much, you just do not want to fight for it – or you just haven’t put your strength to fight hard enough. It’s like you are not everything to me!

I admit, it’s hard to just leave all you have for uncertain future. But love is supposed to be unconditional, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be unselfish… Or is it only me who lives in the fairy tale? Does this mean love is conditionally? Sigh!

I remembered Salad Days again, a Japanese anime about people’s love story in their salad days. In the last episode, the girl was plotted to leave the town to be with her family again. Her boyfriend, being unable to leave, chose to stay and it ended their relationship. It was then that she realized her true love, yet she felt that she had to be with her family. Her sister then told her that, family is still family, no matter how far they’re separated, because nobody could the deny the viscous blood in their vein. But it’s another story when talking about love. People just had to be close to their beloved one, and to fight for it….

Maybe I cant choose to leave all I had behind.

But I am sure that even if I had to leave it all behind, I wont do it because others, nor even for my beloved one. I will do it for myself. Maybe my beloved one is not everything to me, yet he doesn’t have to be everything. He’s the only one for me, and that’s already enough. Btw, I’m still single, so? :P

1 punches:

Anonymous said...

nice one rei... and perhaps you are right...