A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Sunday, July 29, 2007


let's get honest. this cloth is itchy.

Meet my partner while I’m doing my internship: He’s straight, about 170-cm-height, 56-kg-weight, not handsome at all, and above all; he’s Mr. No Fault, meaning that he considers himself as someone who doesn’t make any fault – if there’s a mistake happens around him, that means people around him are very very moron. He then will go on mumble about it, and believe me, it will take forever for him to finish. Here I present you ; THE HATEFUL HAR. Ps, I mean every BOLD and every CAPITAL letters I’m using.

But I’m not going to waste neither my blog nor time writing about his flaws – which I know will be endless and no use, since he won’t change his attitude.

Recently I found out that – well, actually he told me – he’s dating a chick – who I think is moron and stupid and foolish and idiot – err… wait, maybe it’s him who’s using some spell on her - God, who cares? Anyway, so he’s dating this chick, and he told me every cheat he’s making. He told the chick that he’ll be in this small-deserted town from now until then – the fact is we’re leaving after two months. He also told her that he has got a few beautiful girlfriends back then in B-town – the fact is, the girl he’s approaching has left him for a better new guy – Finally, there’s a girl with brain!

And what I am doing?
Call me naïve. Call me everything you want. But I begin to wonder if all people are doing the same thing. They’re all so manipulative. They’re not being themselves when they’re dating someone they’re interested in – they pretend to be flawless, to be charming, to be perfect, and above all, to be wealthy. Talking about money, I know money has power. It may be everything for us; still it’s not the only thing. Whose fault is this?

I know I cant ignore that prefect people exist – and by saying perfect I mean he’s handsome, with manner, rich, and everything the like – but does this make a reason for those manipulative guys –including HATEFUL HAR – to be manipulative? Or deep inside us, we’re actually only attracted to perfect guys – which in turn makes non-prefect guys have to be manipulative? Or maybe we’re born with manipulative behavior? Is it how we survive the jungle – which sometimes, frequently indeed, can be unfair?

There’s an old saying I heard from middle of nowhere, ‘the more perfect he seems to be, the more careful you have to be.’ This has helped me hold on to myself. For instance, my ex once told me that he’s ashamed that his job is not something luxury nor exclusive. Yet I’m still charmed, for his hard work, his dedication, and his spirit to fight. I cant say he’s handsome, macho, sexy, or anything the like, yet to me he’s being himself, he’s being honest with me. And that’s enough.

Label me as someone who’s living in a fairy tale.
For maybe some of you do not really take that manipulative behavior into account. You just enjoy it, and let it bypass your ear. But do you realize that this is an indicator that you’re also being manipulative to others? You don’t even care, and when you find out that he’s hurting you, you still blame everything on him. Or maybe in another occasion, you’re not interested in LTR, you just need sex. So maybe you just can have a sex, you can scream out loud, call yourself the best bottom, but is that what you really want – a quick sex like SAL or ONS? You cover yourself with the thing that it’s natural, it’s your biological need, and it’s something proud to be bitchy. I cant deny it’s true. Sometimes we need sex, but –again- it’s not the only thing that makes us alive. Believe me, I know someone who’s proud being the best bottom, who thinks sex is everything and if you refuse to do it, you’re just a complete fool.

Just be honest, what do you feel after the session? I feel nothing. I admit that the pre-session and the session itself, always drive me mad. The aftermath, I feel like an empty bunch of fruit. But then, what is real in this world of fake?

I’m not being a saint or 40-year-old-virgin. But let’s be honest to ourselves, shall we?

2 punches:

Anonymous said...

hey! i'm going to cali this weekend and won't be back until september...here is the website i was talking about where i made extra summer cash. Later! the website is here

savante said...

The perils of dating in a gay world! Sigh.