The Apologize

I know I haven't been an exactly nice person these past years.

I know I have been very much annoying.

I have even wished that I could have been more subtle and less stubborn, instead of hiding behind this mask of insecurity. 

I know I have been bitching around, being miserable, and let my negativity drive my way around you while I shouldn't have. 

I should have been more compassionate. I should have been more sensitive towards others, not just myself. I should have been more mature and wise. I should have been accepting myself more, and giving in to the fact that I am not that attractive and that the universe doesn't evolve around me. 

I know I am pathetic, that I am better in writing this down rather than saying it to you directly and personally. 
I promise, though, there will be a day when I could find the courage to do it face to face. That is, if you even bother to take a look on me.  
I don't expect you to forgive me and get past everything and be friends again, for I don't even know what kind of friend I am to you -well, besides being constantly-hostile-and-totally-unforgiving-even-at-the-slightest-offense-kind of friend. 
What I have done to you was wrong, whatever my reason was. The stupid sentences, useless arguments, and everything. It's almost like we're fighting on a regular basis, was it?


I am not doing this to make myself feel any better.  
I just have to. Eventually.  


And for now, let me be pathetic. And smile for the slightest hope that you'd judge me again for this.
Maybe it's your way of showing how much you really cared for me. 


So, 
I am sorry. .. .