Eclipse

Just the same as the sun having lost his ray
that's like me,
dark and forgotten...
at the moment i lost your love

nothing to do..

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rare You are totally enchanting and intriguing But you usually don't stick around long! You are best known for: your beauty Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Guy Should You Date?

You are 53% Cancer

How Cancer Are You?

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

You Are Jean Grey

Although your fate is often unknown, you always seem to survive (even after death). Your mind is your greatest weapon, literally! Powers: telepathy and telekinesis, the ability to project thoughts into the mind of others, communication with animals

Which of the X-Men Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

feels like a dejavu
or is it just a fragile unforgettable past?

feels like a painful sorrow
or is it just a sweet memory lies beneath heaven of you?

feels like a melodious symphony
or is it just an unfinished song you can no longer sing?

Too Good (to be true)

sorry, It's hot here. I need to cool myself.

Do you believe in mIRC? Do you chat a lot there?

Well, maybe it sounds like a geek, but after you watched Bukan Bintang Biasa the Movie, another Melly Goeslaw's project, perhaps it brings us a lil bit 'hope'. I havent watched it, so cant make comments any further, yet I can tell you that Ayu and Raffi started the relationship as cyber friends first. ^^

I chat a lot, at mIRC, practically everytime I go online, then you can find my nick at the local chatroom. I dont hope much - because I learn over time that chatting doesnt provide you anything else but false truth. Hypocrisy has become the second international language there. Cant blame anyone, there, because Mom teaches us not to talk to strangers, doesnt she? Anyway, let's leave the whole manipulative act and cheating first, cause it's not what I'm going to tell nor curse.

So, it was late evening when I queried this nick.
Like the standard and stinky and ancient procedure, we exchanged our stats. He's 27 or 28, 182-cm-height and about 78-kg-weight. Cant remember exactly, I just found myself happy coz his stats fitted my type.

We have a nice chat, and I made myself very obvious that I'm interested in the hunk. Later, he told me he needed to go. Unwilling to let him go without any traces, I told him that I'd be missing him badly, so I needed his number. He refused, but offered a meeting instead.

I didnt hope too much that he would showed up, since I knew that his residence was very far away from my place. Yet another half an hour passed by, and he called me, telling me that he's nearby. I walked out, and found his car.

I sat beside him. And soon I learned that he's very handsome. Very handsome : his grandma was Dutch, and he has his grandma's hazel eyes, with the beautiful nose.

He drove me to my place again, but since it's late already, I didnt offer him to come in. SO we only had the conversation in his car.
Apparently, from the conversation, I knew that he's a medical doctor....
A doctor. A med doctor in my wild daydream now was in front of me. A tall and handsome and mature med doctor.

I was overwhelmed with gratitude. He's friendly, nice, and mannered. I thought to myself that I would never let him go...

Yet, apparently, I was too quick to conclude.
He told me that he will have a wedding this year, around August.
I feel happy for him. I wish his happiness. I told him that i'd better to keep the good image of him inside my memory. No lust involved. He agreed and seemed to understand.

So I say farewell to my dream, feeling the pain and amusement at the same time.

At least I know, good guys exist.

Jay's Secret that Cant Be Told

不 Bu 能 neng 說 shuo 的 de 秘 mi 密 mi

SO, as you might have guessed, this is the OST for a movie entitled 'Secret', Jay's new film where he's also the director, the main actor, the writer, the producer, the composer.. etc. lol. Anyway, enjoy! Let's sing a long!

冷咖啡離開了杯墊

leng ka fei li kai le bei dian

The cold coffee leaves the coaster

我忍住的情緒在很後面

wo ren zhu de qing xu zai hen hou mian
I hold my feelings very far back

拼命想挽回的從前

pin ming xiang wan hui de cong qian

[I] work hard wanting to get the past back

在我臉上依舊清晰可見

zai wo lian shang yi jiu qing xi ke jian
You can still see it as always clearly on my face

最美的不是下雨天

zui mei de bu shi xia yu tian

the most beautiful [thing] wasn't the rainy day

是曾與妳躲過雨的屋簷

shi ceng yu ni duo guo yu de wu yan
It was the eaves that you and I once took shelter under from the rain

回憶的畫面

hui yi de hua mian

The images of our memories

在盪著鞦韆

zai dang zhe qiu qian

As I'm swinging on the swing

夢開始不甜

meng kai shi bu tian
The dream starts to not be sweet

妳 說把愛漸漸

ni shuo ba ai jian jian

You say gradually let [go of] love
放 下 會 走 更 遠

fang xia hui zou geng yuan

Then you will walk farther

又何必去改變

you he bi qu gai bian

Why go changing

已錯過的時間

yi cuo guo de shi jian
The time that has already been missed

妳用妳的指尖

ni yong ni de zhi jian

You use your fingertip

阻 止 我 說 再 見

zu zhi wo shuo zai jian

To stop me from saying goodbye

想像妳在身邊

xiang xiang ni zai shen bian

I imagine you by my side

在 完全失去之前

zai wan quan shi qu zhi qian
Before I completely lose you

妳 說把愛漸漸

ni shuo ba ai jian jian

You say gradually let [go of] love

放 下 會 走 更 遠

fang xia hui zou geng yuan

Then you will walk farther

或 許命運的籤

huo xu ming yun de qian

Perhaps the lot of fate

只讓我們遇見

zhi rang wo men yu jian
Only let us meet

只 讓我們相戀

zhi rang wo men xiang lian

Only let us love each other

這 一季的秋天

zhe yi ji de qiu tian

For this one season of autumn

落後飄才發現

piao luo hou cai fa xian

I only discover after they float down

這 幸福的碎片

zhe xing fu de sui pian

The fragments of this happiness

要 我怎麼撿

yao wo zen me jian

How am I going to pick them up?

You're (not) my Everything

No, this ain’t about the melancholic song sung proudly by Glen Fredly.

Are you the one..?

Last weekend I visited Bogor, and while I was there I couldn’t help myself going to Gramedia – a local and famous bookstore. The store is nearby my friend’s residence, where I stayed over. The fact that you can read the books for free there makes it become a mini paradise for me. Hey, I’m not being a nerd or book geek here, but reading is fun.

I usually choose anime (=comic book), because it helps me relaxing. Maybe some of you would choose to read some non-fiction books like Tung Desem’s Financial Revolution or maybe Buku Pelajaran Sejarah kelas Satu SMU (=History for the First Year of Senior High), but that’s not typically me. When I go to a bookstore, I’m looking for fun, so why would I read some brain-taking books?

Anyway…

That was when I found this novel. Written by Andrei Aksana –a male novelist who gives you a gay first impression, and He is gay, but not that handsome, with not so good talent at music composition nor singing but well-known as singing-author for he also provides an OST for his novels – the novel is about a woman who can’t get pregnant because certain problems, who then asked her husband to have a child with another woman. Well, sounds familiar, huh? It’s very boring for me, so typical, so lame, and so not making any sense. Anyway, because I didn’t have anymore books to read, I took the book, turned to the last pages, and I found the writing. It had nothing to do with the story, but I guess it told its readers how Andrei got the idea for the novel.

Andrei wrote that he was in Amsterdam, the weather was cold, and he was waiting for someone. Apparently, it was his last day there. He didn’t wish this someone would come, as he knew that they couldn’t continue their relationship. This someone had asked him to stay there, but Andrei just couldn’t leave anything he had in Indonesia.. He didn’t mention this someone was a male or female, but – oh, wasn’t it that obvious? He is gay! But, like I care.

The simple writing, written beautifully, reminded me about last episodes of QAF season 1, where Mike’s boyfriend, the hot doctor, had to leave the town to be with his son. He asked Mike to come with him, and they had this fight. At the end, Mike asked him if he would do the same for him – leaving all he had had; career, friends, family, just to be with his beloved one – his boyfriend said that he wouldn’t..

This makes me wonder.

I always believe love could conquer it all. But reality has provided me evidence that love couldn’t win over logic. That even you love him very much, you just do not want to fight for it – or you just haven’t put your strength to fight hard enough. It’s like you are not everything to me!

I admit, it’s hard to just leave all you have for uncertain future. But love is supposed to be unconditional, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be unselfish… Or is it only me who lives in the fairy tale? Does this mean love is conditionally? Sigh!

I remembered Salad Days again, a Japanese anime about people’s love story in their salad days. In the last episode, the girl was plotted to leave the town to be with her family again. Her boyfriend, being unable to leave, chose to stay and it ended their relationship. It was then that she realized her true love, yet she felt that she had to be with her family. Her sister then told her that, family is still family, no matter how far they’re separated, because nobody could the deny the viscous blood in their vein. But it’s another story when talking about love. People just had to be close to their beloved one, and to fight for it….

Maybe I cant choose to leave all I had behind.

But I am sure that even if I had to leave it all behind, I wont do it because others, nor even for my beloved one. I will do it for myself. Maybe my beloved one is not everything to me, yet he doesn’t have to be everything. He’s the only one for me, and that’s already enough. Btw, I’m still single, so? :P

Spoilt-by-Techno.

This is what you do with a thing called camera. Got that?

It’s been a month since I came to this deserted town. A small town named Cilegon. And if you’re dreaming about a peaceful town, where people are still friendly to each other, then please wake yourself up.

Let me introduce you Cilegon.

This small town – Village, better term for it, I think – is only about one hour driving from Jakarta, the capital. It has only ONE big road, where the center of the city also lies on – center of the city is the city herself, FYI. With three malls – puhlezz, how can people call the small chaos market as mall? – and many industries, it has a very hot climate. People told me that the good point is that the city is near to the Anyer, the famous beach, and of course, Carita. But I have only gone to the beach just once. And? Forget about the beautiful view. Forget about the peaceful scene. Welcome the loneliness. Gosh! Sitting there just watching the sunset and the sea? Maybe it could bring me a melancholic moment, but going there every day?

And Cinema? There’s only one cinema here, playing so-yesterday-movies. I mean it, even Hillary Duff could be jealous because movies playing here are far more-so-yesterday than her song.

Café? There are cafes here, but I’m not sure… whether it can be labeled as café or not.

Discotheque? Ask people here where it is, and I’m sure they will ask you in return : what is it?

Bookstore? Hullo, where the hell Gramedia is when you need it? Where the hell Kinokuniya is? Somewhere over the rainbow, I’m sure. There is ONE bookstore here though, one small bookstore and you don’t need a weather forecast to see whether it sells books you want to read.

So? Guess I can win the competition of selecting a ‘duta budaya’ (=ambassador of culture) for Cilegon. Yeah, at least, I can make people realize that there’s nothing to visit here, there’s nothing to see here – except some village girls who never see cute and metro sexual guys. Talking about being metro, I am sure that a metro guy can make himself up better than any girls here. So, practically, I just save people out there from going to this village-named-town.

And I suddenly wonder, how can those people survive here? And why would they buy cell phones if friends are only a few meters away? What do they do in their spare time? Sleeping and hoping that when he’s awake, his world would change suddenly? That Cilegon will somehow become Jakarta?

Or what? Screwing around like a horny pig? I don’t think so, coz here’s no cute guys to lust for.

Am I spoilt by technology?

Am I not adapting myself to this new environment well?

Now I know what it’s like to count every single days; the fact is, I have reached the level higher than Krisdayanti’s Menghitung Hari (=Counting Days, her popular song in late 90’s).

So… before I drive myself crazy…

.

.

.

Somebody help!!!!!!

SOS!

First Love

my first love.. take it,..or leave it!

I have known the term love since I was in my third year of elementary. To some of you, maybe it seems that I was a late bird, a geek who’s being very nerd. Yet I am sure that to some of you, maybe it sounds that a little pervert has been born. (lol!)

But me myself officially knew my first love while I was in my second year of secondary. The ‘lucky’ guy was my senior, he’s straight, one of the bright students in his class, taller than I was (at the time), and kinda popular. He’s a sexy accent in his voice; he’s handsome, and adorable.

I remembered myself always staring at him for a far, having heart throb whenever I walked pass him, and finding myself wondering what his smiles were. Okay, I admit that I didn’t notice it was love, not until I was in my second year of senior high. Still I hope this doesn’t bring you a thought that I have been gay since secondary.. I always hate this question, so please, don’t even start.

So I learned his name, his address, his hobbies when I was in my third year of secondary. I had been his secret admirer, without even courage to approach him – to be his friend, of course, don’t stop getting dirty – and yes, I had wild fantasies about him.

Then the moment came to me.

I was in my first year of senior high at the time. It was late evening, but I was still in school, not studying nor learning anything, for your information, but waiting for my elder bro. He was learning guitar from second year students.

At the time, being able to play guitar was said to be an extra point if you’re approaching girls. Since I was not interested, I didn’t learn playing. Besides, I am sucks at music. The first-love-guy, Straight Steve, was also one of the guitar players, and I had been dreaming that he would sing a love song for me. I know, it sounds like… ehm, whatever. Well, He was playing a mandarin song that evening near me, and a few people started to gather around him to sing along with him.

After he finished, I bet he noticed me talking to everyone there but him. Then he said something like, ‘Hey why we didn’t get to introduce ourselves to each other? We should be friends.’ And I was like…. WHAT? Anyway, trying to calm myself down, trying to look as cool as possible, I introduced myself to him, then I heard myself asking him to sing a song for me.

At first he’s just confused, and a bit nervous, I bet, because he told me that he’s no good at all in playing guitar. I told him that I didn’t need it to be superb; and that he had to do it for the celebration of our new friendship. He agreed, singing a song ‘Temani Aku’ (=accompany me) from Sheila on 7, a popular band at the time.

And now, I found myself sitting on the beach at Anyer, watching the dark horizon in front of me and the wavering sea. My friends, including Hateful Har, and I were visiting the beach; he was playing guitar and we were singing silently… That drove me to my long-forgotten memory about Straight Steve.

Somehow, I miss my senior high. I miss Straight Steve a lot, though I no longer have a special kind of something to him. It ended when I was in my second year of senior high, when I met Leery Leon. I’ll tell you about him another time. The sun set a long time ago, the wind was blowing but it’s not really cold at the night. I wonder how he’s been lately, what he’s doing, who’s the lucky girl, and everything… I just wish for his happiness. And for mine, of course. Coz everybody deserves to be happy, right?