Defining Relationship

Recently, there was this news I read over the internet. It's about a male-prostitution networking, and the writer was concerned that it has reached not only Jakarta, but also some other areas here in Indonesia as well. As I read along, I also learnt that the market share for the gigolos is bigger for Oom Senang, or literally translated as.. er.. Delightful Uncle? It also said that the growth of gigolos is mainly due to the financial problems, and perhaps, to some extent, the ease of access: the advance of Internet. To be more particular, there, point-blank, it mentioned this website, where I am currently joined as a member, as the source of gigolos, as the writer thought that the site was built by some gigolos..... I stopped reading at the point, thinking that my, this was hilarious! So I am now a gigolo, who's so desperate about not-only money and sex, but also... love?

But wait. As I thought about it deeper, I kind of come to a theory that perhaps it is what relationship is all about: sex, love, and sometimes, money. For Sex, it's quite easy to tell. You can even say that sex is what differentiate a friendship from a relationship. You don't have sex with your friends, because it would get awkward, and we all know that friends, to certain point, long more lasting that a boyfriend. Let's face it: sex is not everything in a relationship, but without it, where would we all head up to?

But the equation needs a variable we then label as Love. Any sex relationship with love? Well, it's just everything else: one night stand, fuck buddy, and even to prostitution. Love is messy, but it also gives us this exclusive contract where the head title is monogamy.

And last, but not the least, money. I am not saying that you should pay for the license to have sex, for love, or anything else. All I am saying, everything needs money, and I believe that includes a relationship. 

So, is that how a relationship is defined? Is it a package of a complete love, sex, and money? If it's so, then are the three things what I am looking for in life?

I mean, free sex outside a relationship? Checked.
Love? It's messy, and I don't think I can afford it right now. I mean, you fall for a guy, then what? The relationship would have no place to go but the closet because there's no way I could bring the guy home and marry him. Is there even a love in a gay relationship if we turn our head every time a hot guy is passing by?
Money? I don't need a guy in a shining armor to provide my own bread. And frankly, I do think that woman out there needs to be more independent, just in case.

But as I thought again, I remembered my ex. Guys I had crush on. And all the ONSs and no-feeling-things I had.
Something is clearly missing. Okay, the zsa zsa zsu might be great, but the butterflies sometimes don't help you going through a relationship. Well, the case with me, I always get to be an emotional slut; you know, the one person who opens up, says things too much and too soon that it just freaks people out. And for a two-gay-men relationship, it's even harder. You can't hold his hand, you can't show any PDA, and you'll have to share your comfortable yet claustrophobic closet with him.

And let's be romantic. The huge shoulder you can rely on? The big chest you can hug? The ears you can whisper good night to? The sleepy face you get to see first thing in the morning? The grand gesture he'd show you like reading a poetry, preparing a candle light dinner? But, with the risk of sounding bitter and cynical, how big is the portion of our heart that actually believes in such thing? And do all those things define a relationship? If, by the end of the day, we have to learn to compromise our dream, our type-of-guy, and our Mr. Right, then what's the point of a relationship? Just how much of our true-self that has to be put on a shelf to stay in a relationship before we really lose ourselves? Where do we draw the line? Are a relationship is just so over-rated these days?

I looked again at my manjam account, thinking to delete it. Fridae. And Facebook account, designed for the PLUs. Then, in my FB wall, there I saw this person I added a long time ago: he posted a picture he claimed to be taken quite a long ago. He was cute. He is still cute, but he's older, and he's alone. And it suddenly hits me.

What if, along this time, it's not about a relationship at all? It's not about how many dates, how many phone-calls in the night, how big his abs is, how many dinners, nor how many movie tickets you with him. What if we're looking for a companionship, someone to be with, for better or for worse, for health and sickness, for rich and poor? That there'll be someone who can still smile at us, nod his head in an understanding way, and take care of us when we're just miserable and sad and dark? That we can finally stop masquerading, shed our outer shell, and take off our mask, to really embrace our true self? Then sex is not really important. Love is not so everything anymore.

It may be about love, sex, and money. But the most important varible in a relationship, to me is merely the companionship. What do you think?