Un-cheating Cheater

If my love is not enough, then I am not enough, because it's all I can give - Haley James to Nathan Scoot, One Tree Hill 

A male-friend of mine text-ed me a week or so ago; asking help to check on our female-friend. I asked him what happened, and he told me that her boyfriend was getting caught cheating on her. 

I was stunned. I have practically known the couple since like forever ago, and I know that the guy wasn't a cheater-type. And the girl, is like my little sister. And they're like not doing well? Which in turn, bring me to another recent cheating a friend of mine did - this time, in an AJ relationship. They broke up, soon after the sob-fest was over. That easy: a pre-existing relationship plus the other person plus your partner knowing the fact that you're cheating, equals to a dead-end. 

In the risk of sounding like a-never-cheating-saint, whenever I encounter this kind of news, I always wonder: WHY? What happened? What was he thinking when he cheated? Or was he not thinking - because perhaps the blood were all pumped to his dick, instead of his brain, that he couldn't use his brain? That was a joke, anyway, I don't mean to be harsh, so forget about it. 

Then I remembered the only serious relationship I have ever had: he was in Jakarta, I was in B-town. I met a guy in B-town, we went out a couple of times, and there's one night when I slept over at his place. The next morning, he was horny and naked, and although I did give him only a hand job, I felt terribly sorry. There's just a line I couldn't cross at the time. But was it because I am still a young and idealist boy who didn't know anything about the world? For after that, I saw, went out, and had sex with several guys at one time - Er.. it is better I guess, to say that I have never been exclusive to any person since then. 

I don't wanna be a justice judge here, but I can't help but wonder, is it true that all guys have this cheating gene? Or is it just our society, which values MALE more than a FEMALE, which makes it okay for a guy to cheat? Or are we feeling all macho and manly and experienced by the number of sex we're doing with a certain number of different people? That somehow, GOOD SEX has been an important variable that we should consider before going to be with certain someone? Was it just a moment of lust that we can't control? Was it because we are always a narcissistic self deep inside, meaning that we think that we're a smart-ass who knows we can hide our flaw in a very good manner? That if you hide your affair well, that if you don't tell anyone, then who's to know beside you and your partner-in-crime? What you don't know doesn't hurt you, after all.   

Some would just feel very sorry. He came out, tried to be a heroic honest hero, and confessed his crime to his partner - perhaps with a slightest hope that everything would be alright, that they somehow could start over again. Because the guilt, is not an easy burden to carry around. What happens next? 

Is an END a terminal answer? We let go, because let's face it: once a cheater, always a cheater. There's no turning back. Even if you forgive your partner, there's always a chance that you're going to bring it out on the next fight you're going to have later. Plus, perhaps we're better off. Who knows? But then, what's with the love? What's with the 'I LOVE YOU' and 'I LOVE YOU TOO' that we've been saying? 

Then are we supposed to just move on? You cheat, okay, long as your heart is still mine (do you still believe this crap?). For in a guy-guy relationship, aren't the guys supposed to be more understanding that guys are not born to be faithful? Aren't we supposed to give each other the benefit of the doubt, and not just the benefit? So why bother, getting yourself hurt because of a brief affair? If he chooses to be with you in the end, then why does it matter? Is it desperate if we take back our cheating partner?

And above all, despite the 'GAY' label we're carrying around, are not capable of being HAPPY? Just happy and satisfied. Or we just really can't help it? 

So, where do you draw the line? There's really no manual here. But one thing for sure I know, it hurts. Being cheated is painful. And I know I can't forbid anybody to cheat. And if I love someone enough, I think I am willing to take the risk.