A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

And even with all his flaws..

I was on my way to Samarinda that morning. It was 6 AM, and the bus was pretty quiet, for everyone else was sleeping. I gazed at the sky. The grayish color suggested that it was gonna rain soon after, and it did. I gazed at the road, seeing almost the same grayish color; watching people passing by on their bike or in their car.

It was then that I thought of him.
How has he been? Has he been busy? What was he doing? Was he thinking about me? Has he missed me?

It was also then that I realised; I missed him.
Missing him in the way that I wished I could see him sleeping. I could hug him. Kiss him. Watching him ignoring me, and choosing the television instead. I missed his way of saying HI to me. I missed his way waking up before me, getting dressed, then kissing good morning. I missed his smile. And even, I missed him being so annoying, so selfish, so not romantic, and yet, so shy. All the things that used to bother me, now seemed so far away, and I found myself now, not resenting it. I missed it all.

Then the logical part of me asked that question: Even if he missed me, would he miss me in the same way I have missed him? Or just I happened to be the guy in the right time, even if I was not THE ONE he's been looking for?

I knew I was not supposed to be whiny. I was not supposed to look for his mistake. But then, if he's flawless, then he's not right, is he?

I smiled all along my way.
Partly because I felt that for the first time, love could also be releasing.
I was the guy who didn't believe in long distance relationship. More because my first didn't work out well. But this one, I do hope that we're going somewhere. It's too early to conclude anything, I know, but I would still let myself to believe in it. I would let myself fall again.. I would...let...myself...love again.

To add the reason of my smile, I recalled the first time I knew I loved him. It was at this particular hotel at Pecenongan, Jakarta. I booked the wrong date for my flight, and I had nowhere to go. I couldn't go back to B-town, because I have said goodbye to them. It's not funny to say goodbye twice. So, I texted him. And he invited me to his hotel.

He was right there at the lobby.
He was waiting for me.
He smiled when he saw me.
And I knew, I loved him.
I knew I was safe in his arm.
He brought me to his room.
We cuddled. We kissed. We hugged.

It was also the night when he first told me that he loved me.

You know, I was always the person who would halt myself everytime someone told me he loved me. I would take a pause and ask myself, WHY?, IN WHAT WAY?, HOW?, and so many more.

He asked me then if I loved him.
I smiled.
He said that if I did love him, I could kiss him mouth to mouth; and if not, I could kiss him in the forehead.

I kissed his lips.

And even with all his flaws,
I knew I wouldnt regret.

2 punches:

Apisindica said...

so sweet....jadi terharu!!! jangan lupa buat terus berjuang yah!

lucky said...

One could said: Lebbbaaaayyyyy!!!
The other may said: It's romantic

That's life.
Sometime life brings you happies, another time sadness.
But without feeling, everything will be boring.

Jalani saja ya.....bikin hidupmu lebih HIDUP!!!!