A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.

-Self-Quote-

Friday, June 6, 2008

To Love and To Be Loved


To be, or not to be, this was the famous line from the famous Shakespeare, when he composed Hamlet. Hamlet was in love with Ophelia, whose father he killed to make some revenge. Is that right? Because I can’t remember exactly what happened. Beside Romeo and Juliet, I am totally blank about Shakespeare’s work. 
 
Anyway, let’s not be Shakespeare nor discuss anything related. I am not students from English lit, and not planning to take any courses related to it. Because that is not exactly the question.

What I am talking about is, of course you can guess it, about love. Often, we find someone interesting and charming and gorgeous and fab. We want to be close with that someone, and one day, long story short, we fall in love with that very person. Often too, that person doesn’t have the same feeling. Either you’re not his type, or things doesn’t work, he just can’t love you back. At least, that’s what happened to me. All the Mcdreamies, they all are just passing by without even considering the chance. 
 
In my case, I begin to ask myself. Maybe I should find someone who can truly and sincerely love me, without me myself have to love him at the first place. I thought that maybe I give it a try; I will find his place inside my heart. That I will eventually love him. I’ve tried that, believe me. I accept those warm hands, those warm hugs, and those smiles, even when there’s this doubt deep down. The only excuse is that, I’ve found many guys fitting my type, but we don’t have the chemistry. Since I put chemistry at the first place, I thought that maybe I shouldn’t stick that tight with my types. So, I give up my types. No perfect guys, no Mr. Right, but there’s The One. Not because he’s handsome, nice, or gentle, but because he’s who he is. 
 
The first time, it didn’t work. I’ll post the story some other time. The second time… well, I don’t think it will work. Yet the same as the first time, I’m not just merely giving it up. I give it a try. I told the guy that I’m not in hurry, that I need time. That we both need time. He could understand and told me that he would work and pray harder. It’s so sweet. Very sweet that I feel like my heart melts. But I’m not the type that will get engage in any relationship just because he can provide me some sweet words I happen to want to hear. I am deep, huh? It’s tiring, frankly. Tiring, but I won’t escape or make the silent goodbye. It started fine, it should end fine too. 
 
At the end of the day, this all gives me something. Why it seems that I can’t have both at the same time? To love, and be loved by someone. So, the big question here is, am I being too picky? Am I being to greedy by wanting to have both? I don’t know. And I guess, it’s for me to find out.


2 punches:

Manusia Bodoh said...

It happened all the time... to everyone...
But, never give up...

Coz... someday U'll find the one...

Amiin!!!!

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