A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Wednesday, June 4, 2008


So, what I am actually doing? Introducing a new word that Webster doesn’t even know? 
Well, relationship-ism is my term for any view related to relationship – by saying any, what I really mean is the positive and optimistic view towards relationship. Optimistic view is belief that relationship does exist in this world, in this aj world. Believing that people like us can fall in love too and end in sweet relationship. And by saying relationship, I mean a long term relationship, the serious type. A relationship that even when you are at your lowest, your hardest, your ugliest moment, you still are someone precious and valuable and dear for him. A relationship that allows you to share anything, to do anything for him, to have him help you with your things, without you even feel or think ‘oh, this is stupid’ and the like. Or, above all, a monogamous relationship.

Sounds like McDreamy, like fairy tale, and too idealistic, doesn’t it? Well, for me, it is not; for you, it’s for you to decide. If you think it is, it’s quite predictable. A friend from FRIDAE – or a stranger since we barely know each other – told me once that he doesn’t believe in relationship anymore. JT also wonders the same question. Is it because things didn’t work out like they wish? Or maybe things didn’t work out at the time they wanted it to? This might have happened a lot times before to them – and to me, frankly – they felt the pain, and then finally, at one cloudy day, they decided to give up, which in turn makes me think; is that true that people like us fall in love quickly, and then fall out of it that quickly too? What I know, what I learn after 4 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, not getting what you want when you want it maybe painful, but at least it is better than not knowing what you want. 
I don’t blame people. I don’t blame anybody. I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t even need to apologize or feel sorry. Because I don’t wanna be judgmental. Because it is just my weakness, to have such a fragile heart, which I’m grateful of sometimes. Because I still believe in relationship. I have witnessed it. I have seen it. I have experienced it before. It didn’t end well; still I have those sweet memories over the bitter ones. It is like a chocolate, fairly sweet, with a little bitter taste. 
A friend of mine, Yu, has had his relationship at the tenth year now. My friend Chris is now in his long distance relationship. And there is Sam, Paul, and all other couples. Relationship exists; it’s just that I am still not that better man for my someone-to-come-true. Or, I don’t know, it could be anything. But the point is, I love myself. I love my being alive. I love being able to love. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?

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