Blue Sky Collapse

As I walk to the end of the line, I wonder if I should look back to all of the things that were said and done. I think we should talk it over. Then I notice the sign on your back; it boldly says "Try to Walk Away". I go on pretending I'll be okay. This morning, it hits me hard that still everyday I think about you. 

Nothing beats a fast-driven car. It goes so fast, so speedy, that up to one point, you don't feel yourself anymore. Just the blinding wind, and the time is like being fast-forwarded. It's like just running away from the past, escaping from the pain, and eventually, forgetting about the life itself. 

But reality hits. From time to time. So you'd have to push your brake. You'd have to stop, trying to digest the pain, the smile, the tears, the happiness, or everything else, again. For you can't be the winner when you're racing with time. You can't really pretend that you'd be okay forever. You'd have to look back, to make peace with yourself before you move on.... 


So I stopped. 

Appeased the adrenaline rush. 

Took a deep breathe. 

And reality hit me so hard that I finally surrendered myself to the fact that I have loved, I have fought, but I have lost. 

The pain started to fill in my chest, as I remembered again his smile. His eyes. His hugs. His odor. His kiss.. Our kiss. Our love. Our moment. Our intimacy. Our past..My past. 

I walked out of my car, hugging my arms. Isn't love a sweet misery? Despite the pain, and everything ugly, we're willing to take the risk to let ourselves fall. Fall so deep that even sometimes we lose ourselves. Or is it true that it IS the pain that makes the happiness taste sweeter? 


Did it matter anymore? 
Frankly, I didn't know. And I didn't want to know. When it's time to let go, are there any other option than to let go? Is there any use to keep an already broken mirror? Already broken dream? 


So I said goodbye. 

As I stare at the wall in this room, the cracks; they resemble your shadow. When everyday I see time goes by; in my head, everything stood still.. I'm waiting for things to unfreeze, till you release me from the ice block. It's been floating for ages washed up by the sea and it's drowning - thought you should know that..still everyday I think about you. I know for a fact that's not your problem, but if you change your mind you'll find me hanging on to the place, where the big blue sky collapse. 

As I drove home, I noticed that perhaps love is like the darken sky. It got the sky black like the night. It collapsed the blue blue sky. Still, it waited for you to redeem the bright morning with your ribs. And perhaps at that time, the two souls would again find each other and just be home. 

You see, people are trying to find their way back home, So I'll find my way to you. 

*Song from  Blue Sky Collapse, Adhitiya Sofyan, from the Album Quiet Down.