A little rain inside me, a little pain inside me. A little dose of mellowness to compromise the life, in a precise amount.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Melancholy Me..

Maybe, I listen to too many sad-love-song that they finally starts poisoning me. I am poisoned. I am in deep blue. I am in melancholy. Ah, I hate me being this. I hate this sentimental feeling.

Maybe, I drink too much coffee. The caffeine is making me neurotic and insomniac. I can't sleep, thanks to the phobia I am feeling every time I close my eyes. The loneliness can be very haunting, and I am just too scared.

Maybe, I watch too many sad-movies. The tragedy within just gives me this silly hope and dream about the wonderland; that true love exists. That there is this Mr. Perfect for me, meant to be mine, and there is then this happily-ever-after. I am addicted. Every time the bitter reality hits, it is just like you're being splashed with cold-icy water: it is plainly cold and painful.

Maybe, I read too many romantic-books. The beautiful story inside is, indeed, very cliche, yet it never fails touching my heart. Turn me to a drama-queen for some moment. And it hurts. It still hurts.

Maybe, at the end of the day, I just don't know how.... to be a gay man.