I rarely talked about the guy here in my blog. It's funny, since he's like my person. And in the wake that he's got himself a boyfriend, I thought that perhaps I'd write something about him.
He's Mr.H. I met him first during my college years back in B-town. So it has been like around 8 years and counting - I hope. He said he has always known about me since we introduced ourselves to each other - but I didn't remember if I knew him. It didn't take long for him to ask me the question, and to which I remembered that I said to him that I was not a gay. Funny. And embarrassing. I meant, to be honest, I am that obvious. So I was only fooling myself at the time.
He's my person ever since. I got my first gay porn from him. He's my first gay friend, to be honest. With him I could talk about almost everything - we used to hang out in the canteen inside the campus and cruise the guys. I was there during his first break-up. I was there when he told me about this crush he had deeply on a certain guy. He was the one who gave me fashion advice. He was there when I registered to my first online gay-dating website. I used to sleep over at his place. We shared food his mom made him. We stayed up the whole night once just doing our college assignment. If you watch Grey's Anatomy, it's pretty much like Meredith and Cristina kind of relationship. Some of our mutual friends would occasionally check how he's doing via me. Because as they said, when there's me, there's him. And I guess that's also how you know how close you are to a certain somebody.
What seems funny to me is also the fact that I am a shy person. I tend to push people away, or so he told me once. I am not a people's person, I guess. I only shed my wall when I know I'm safe with someone. When I know he or she accepts me just the way I am. And now in office environment, I only hang out with a bunch of people, although I am now more open to people. People who know me would say that I am a nice and funny person. I am warm and sometimes too kind. I am smart and really a team-player, they said. Sometimes I can be very much bitchy, of course, but they also know that I do not mean any harm.
Recently I got out of a really bad relationship. He was there. He was one of the few who knew it from the beginning. He wrote a post about that, even. He constantly checked on me. And you know what, Mr.H has always been on my side. He's my person. He knows me, and on several occasions he even pointed out how I would normally act on certain matters. He sees me. And he's also one of the few who helped me pick myself up and rising again after the pain. More importantly, he makes me believe that I am not awful, that I should give my heart a break. That someone better would come along.
All in all, I give my best to him. He deserves the best guy there is. He already went through all the hurt and pain, and I know that someone like him deserves the happiness. I sincerely wish that he and his boyfriend would make it to forever this time. Because that will give me hope that true love does exist for the gays, even if it's not for me.
So kudos to you, H.
And remember, I will always be there no matter what. :)
Love,
Ed*
