The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact, they say men think about sex every twenty eight seconds. Of course, that's straight men. With gay men, it's every nine. You can be at the supermarket or the laundromat or buying a fabulous shirt, when suddenly you find yourself checking out some hot guy, hotter than the one you saw last weekend, or went home with the night before. Which explains why we're all at Babylon at one in the morning, instead of at home in bed. But who wants to be at home in bed, especially alone, when you can be here, knowing that at any moment, you might see him - the most beautiful man whoever lived... That is, until tomorrow night! By the way, that's me. Six-one, Forty six inch chest, sixteen inch biceps, twenty eight inch waist, a veritable God. I wish. Okay, that's me. Michael Novotny, the semi-cute boy-next-door type. Twenty nine, five-ten, one forty, nine and a half cut. Alright, so I exaggerate. But, like, who's told the truth since they invented cybersex? [Michael Novotny, Opening Narrative, QAF, s01e01]"I want a conventional relationship," A friend of mine once told me. He explained further that he wanted a relationship where he had to chase after the right guy with a proper approach. He was a bit old-fashioned; he told me that a typical date was when you could talk in a decent conversation, get to know each other, have a dinner and a movie perhaps, before step into the sex part. If you watch Grey's Anatomy, it's like the new Mark "McSteamy" trying to be whole gentle and sweet instead of sleeping around. In short: it's not about sex, he said.
And that thought have exactly been my way of life, until well.. a very long time ago. I used to be a guy who believed that true relationship could really stand the void of sex. I drew a big-fat line between LOVE and LUST, naively believed that when it's love, LUST could come as the last priority, because love is supposed to be able to conquer all, or so I thought. But as I step further and grow older, and thus meet more and more people-like-us, I have been wondering: where do the sex part stand in AJ relationship?
I mean, we're guys, right? And we're AJ. Sex is not really a big deal for us. We thought about sex more than we realize, more than we know, and more than we admit. We're supposed to be able to do it without attaching any feeling along, aren't we? You take off your clothes, your tongues meet, and BOOM! It happens. Simple, and fast. The urge, the lust, and the adrenaline are then transformed into a sticky white mud we say as orgasm. Five fu*king seconds of orgasm. Then the second round? The repeat order? You say. Sex is not scary, at all - that is, if you do it safely, and with responsibility. Sex is easy, as the Sunday morning, when you get to stay in bed really really late, thinking almost about nothing - well, except for the morning erection and the guy from the Saturday night. Sex is fun, sure fun, if you meet the right guy. And ultimately, sex is just the basic instinct we have, a very naturally mundane thing that we do.
So I wonder: given its perks, has sex become some kind of compensation to affection? First, you meet this hot guy, and you're interested in him. You start worrying what to wear, what to say, what to do, because you want to impress him, and there's also the fact that AJ is like the most sensitive being in the world. Say something wrong, do something wrong, then it's a dead-end. So you need to be extra cautious. Then, with no intention to make it sound bad, I'd like to add the anxiety, jealousy, insecurity, and so on and so on you have when you're dating.
Dating is not fun. Romantic, yes. But it's never the fun. See, we go out, wondering thousand of questions in our head: if he's really the one, if we're not under-dressed, if we're okay for him, if it's gonna be always and forever, and so on. We take the risks to have our heart broken and to have our ass busted, for what prize? Admit it or not: it has always been the sex part. Because we do know that by the end of the day, we get him in our bed. We get to say good night to him. We get to make love to him. We get to wake up beside him. And eventually, we get to not be alone at night.
Plus, for sure, even when you think dating is fun, there's no PDA we could show: no holding hands in public, no hugging in crowded space, no saying intimate things out loud.........and it just adds the paranoia perks on the dating part. Remember being discreet? Remember to act well? Remember that it's all about image? Unless you come out. But it's the scary part. So we stay in the closet. It gets claustrophobic every now and then. Still, try to put two g
Yes, S-E-X. And this is also when SEX comes in handy. It compensates everything bad. This is also why SEX has to come GOOD. I mean, really really good. Don't want to admit it, yet? Okay, picture this: go out with your boyfriend. Have a nice and decent dinner, when you have a decent conversation, get to know him better. Then perhaps a movie, a disco time, before you go home. But this time, omit the sex part. What's left there? A friend of mine even told me, a date without sex is no different than being just-a-friend with someone, and since he has many friends, there's no need to add a complete stranger to the list; it could get ugly.
So, good sex has always been a very important variable for us to consider a relationship with him, hasn't it? Or is it just me? Is it too cheap to even consider it? Is it too bitchy and slutty? Is it normal?
I know that there's no rule, and playing saint is getting old. But deep down inside me, there's a small part that feels something is missing. It's like waking up knowing that you have a very sweet dream, but you can't remember what it is. For there's always a reason for one-night stand I've been conducting.. but does it make it okay to do so?
