365 Happiness- a week of happiness

one thing i desperately learnt this week is that consistency is a very luxurious thing. i must admit that i lack of it, and it is a big homework to do for the rest of my life. 

nevertheless, aside from working-like-a-cheap-labor week, i still managed to take a short break from everything trying to remember that  happiness is perhaps only a smile away. 

lets see.. this week my orders from online shopping reached my address. i still wait for one more book to come, though, but i guess the waiting part is also exciting. then i bought myself a portable speaker, an iPod, and a stylus for my iPad. i have been doodling since, and it's so much fun. 

last weekend, i hung out with a bunch of friends, and we had a blast playing uno games. i woke up very early for the first time since a year or so that saturday, and i managed to get a lot of things done. this week i had a rendezvous with one of my best friends, and we chatted a lot. he told me about one miserable guy he's been following in twitter, where he found him being very much annoying. it was like a big wake-up: negative guy and miserable guy and mellow guy bring nothing good. it's always a great joy whenever i met him. 

then that someone texted me again, on one lazy morning, after a few days of silence. i realized that perhaps it's hard on him to consider a long-distance relationship, and it's not healthy if everything went so fast, so i told myself to calm down. take it slow and see where it goes. 

i read again my previous entries about happiness in this blog, and i realized that happiness is easy. and it's contagious. i notice that when i am happy, i bring happiness too to people around me. being mellow and melancholic all the time doesnt take me anywhere. so, cheers to being happy and cheerful. 

 

365 Happiness- Day 9 and 10

Day 9 

small sing-along session in my dorm last night. it took my mind away from him for a while.

and that evening i had another affirmation: i must learn to let go. 

Day 10 

something bad happened in the office today. something really bad. and it hit me hard: the fact that at the very moment i thought to myself that it'd be nice to have a shoulder to cry on to, merely reflected how fragile i am. 

nevertheless i stepped out of the office for a while that afternoon, trying to take a deep breath. trying to remember how it used to be fun working in this place. 

 

it was raining heavily the whole day. and for once i really hoped it would stop. the sky would clear up again, so i'd know there'd be silver lining no matter how tiny it is. 

yet i couldnt find any. 

but as soon as i learnt that, i also understood that to reach another higher tide, one must first go to the lowest tide. 

this all, is my lowest tide. 

and that single thought has never made me happier.

the falling apart

he sang 'dont you remember' that night. 

he kissed my lips, gently. 

he kissed my forehead. 

then i touched his hand. 

then i looked at him, thinking that perhaps this was my final search. 

then i smiled at him, quietly, in the dark. 

but morning came. 

and he's gone.

365 Happiness- Day 6, 7 and 8..

Day 6 

I got to meet him. He's nice. And I remembered that old feeling where I wanted to lay my head on someone's shoulder. And forget the world... So I smiled, with an awkward smile. 

Day 7 

Found Ayu Utami's new novel. Great reading ahead. 

He called me to say that he couldnt make it tonight. 

Day 8 

It's kinda hard to be happy when your someone doesnt call you or reply your text. 

It's kinda hard to smile when it is silent goodbye all over again. 

.

.

.

someone was singing 'i will always love you' this afternoon.

it pained me to learn that i had silently wished that it had been you. 

.

.

.

this evening i jumped to the water. 

there was nobody in the pool.

and for once, i felt liberated. 

.

.

.

perhaps that single feeling was the happiness, all along. . . 

365 Happiness- Day4 and Day 5

Day 4 

I found him sending a message. 

Day 5

We had a chat just now. 

I dont know where this is going to go, but I guess I should just enjoy the small happiness. :)