You. .

 

It only takes one word from you,

to make me drop all the things here, all the life I have here, 

to be with you. 

So perhaps, the silence is also a way of you telling me to take care of myself,

just myself. .

Reality Bites.

 

 

Why didn't I find you,

inside his hug? 

[Personal Note] The Second Life

Lately, between spending some times to blog and to browse some gay social network, I've also been trying to tweet. For me, there's no difference between the two, except that with twitter it's easier to post some random doodles instantly, instead of having to log in to the blogger via the web before posting something. 

It was then that I also found that it is not easy (it is not difficult.. it's just not easy.. if you know what I mean) to lead a double life: A gay in the closet and a discreet guy out in the jungle. The discreet guy I'm trying to be also has twitter account already - even two, I might add. So it's a little difficult for me to manage between the three accounts - well, I might as well merge the three altogether, but stupid or not, useless or not, believe it or not, each of the twitter accounts serve a purpose for me.


I see that at this point, I might hit you as someone who's spending too much time to stay in the closet - while some might say it's already obvious - that it's almost childish and pointless.. While it is true to some extent, I also believe in our crowded gay world, there's this policy called 'don't ask-don't tell'. You don't ask someone whether he's gay or not, and you especially don't announce it to the whole world once you know the guy is gay. 


But, to think again, I am not the 'it'-person. I am just a regular next-door type who's not even handsome nor charming. You can personally ask a few blogger friends (whose blogs I already linked at my page). Their first impressions to me was that I am indeed NOT THAT handsome - I dont know, but somehow the thought that judging from my writings, I must be pretty hot. I guess that is a sign I need to be more personal rather than cryptic. *grin* And to start this, here's my gay-guy's twitter link, no pic yet, only less than 100 tweets currently, but mention me if you want to be foll-back. :) 


So, in parallel to one of my not-written-2011 resolutions, I want to stay more positive this year. More positive in the way that I am going to accept myself more, stop feeling insecure, stop wasting time chasing some guys who're not even interested, and -the hardest one- to not stay melancholic all the time. Hard, because I am a mellow guy to begin with. 


Last year I got into this big fall-out with three guys (hey, you know who you are), but then I managed to apologize to all of them. Although things can't never be the way it was, at least I know we're still friends. Of the three, I still regularly keep in touch with one (I have two of 3 twitter accounts following him); mostly because he's kind of hot and has unbelievably huge fans - well, to think about it again, I started to act out when we fought partly because I was so insecure chatting with him. :D Stupid, eh?


Anyway, there's one conflict from this year to manage. I am still mad at him, for some stupid reasons, but perhaps one day. One thing at a time. :) 


Wish me luck! 

The Life Ahead

We were the twilight, the light that ended too fast too soon. 
Then it takes me the whole life time just to try to forget... 

The Someone From the Past

 

I have never known that the leaves, 

the sky, 

the moth, 

the days, 

the nights, 

the rains,

could be so beautiful.. 

but then I met you.