The Sleeping Beauty

I had wished I could sleep on forever to be waken up by a Prince Charming riding his white horse.
Then I'd skip every painful things, save every pieces of my heart, and stop feeling so miserable. 
Then I could just fast forward everything to see the Happily Ever After inside your eyes, by the end. 
Then I could put on my sweetest smile which had been long lost until you brought it back to me. 
Or even better, I could hold your hand so tight, and you'd squeeze mine in return, and we no longer care what the world would think.


But the dream ended soon as the morning dew had vanished. 
I wanted to be able to tell myself that it's okay if fairy tales didn't come true.
I wanted to be whole even you would not pass by and stop to rescue me. 
I wanted to wake up despite you're not next to me. 


And I really wanted to believe I could be happy. 

The Time Keeps Changing

You are the Future who hasn't become a Past yet.

You are going to be a beautiful Present for me when I wrap the gift paper.

So I am supposed to be a good boy, and pray really really earnestly.
Until you'd hear me, and we'd meet in an intersection that we would have chosen accidentally.
Then the clock would have stopped at forever. 

The Apologize

I know I haven't been an exactly nice person these past years.

I know I have been very much annoying.

I have even wished that I could have been more subtle and less stubborn, instead of hiding behind this mask of insecurity. 

I know I have been bitching around, being miserable, and let my negativity drive my way around you while I shouldn't have. 

I should have been more compassionate. I should have been more sensitive towards others, not just myself. I should have been more mature and wise. I should have been accepting myself more, and giving in to the fact that I am not that attractive and that the universe doesn't evolve around me. 

I know I am pathetic, that I am better in writing this down rather than saying it to you directly and personally. 
I promise, though, there will be a day when I could find the courage to do it face to face. That is, if you even bother to take a look on me.  
I don't expect you to forgive me and get past everything and be friends again, for I don't even know what kind of friend I am to you -well, besides being constantly-hostile-and-totally-unforgiving-even-at-the-slightest-offense-kind of friend. 
What I have done to you was wrong, whatever my reason was. The stupid sentences, useless arguments, and everything. It's almost like we're fighting on a regular basis, was it?


I am not doing this to make myself feel any better.  
I just have to. Eventually.  


And for now, let me be pathetic. And smile for the slightest hope that you'd judge me again for this.
Maybe it's your way of showing how much you really cared for me. 


So, 
I am sorry. .. .