Wanna know what annoys me??

Old people with no pics at man**m!!! HULLO???? That is man**m; everybody is obviously gay!! *There, I used the word without censor* And if u dont plan to get revealed or recognized, get a life out there!! AND DON'T STARE AT SOMEBODY'S ELSE PICS!!! PERVER*!!!

And What annoys me the most?????

Guess.

Nothing is more annoying than a guy who spends his love-life thinking about one sole infatuation to another guy!

You're not a true lover by doing that. That doesnt prove anything, except your being silly.

Ow, okay. okay. Okay, it's heroic (*huh?*). It's rare (*seriously?*). But then you give out this 'single-but-not-available' crap?? And you just willingly drop yourself within his arms, even for a second?? Wait a moment there. You're not Cinderella. You don't have to pack again your dream whenever 12 o'clock comes. Go out and have some fun already! Your biological clock is ticking, and it doesnt wait. Love wont wait.

Let him go already.
Wish his happiness.
Laugh at him being dumb and dumber each seconds of life for dumping you or not being able to see the real prince(ss) in you.
Celebrate the scar you bear.
Move your ass on.
And be thankful because you still can love someone (else).

Being gay is already hard enough. Dont make it harder for yourself. It's annoying.

Scar (To Those Who Have Just Had Their Heart Broken. WB.

The contest is a lions' fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds, celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You were in a lions' fight, Stevens. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar. [Richard Webber, to Isobel Stevens, Grey's Anatomy s04e12]

There's this thing called love. It blossoms on any soil, from the shiny palace to muddy swamp, from dawn to dusk, or even at time when you don't expect, much and it brings joy and beauty. You're suddenly this high-school boy again. Though the nurturing part is sometimes tiring, annoying, and making you wanna give up to some extent, you know deep inside your heart, you can't let it go. You won't. You don't want to. Because you're bonding. Because you have put your hope and faith to it.

Sometimes, you even think you're miserable. You think of him 24 hours a day - or maybe 16 hours a day, if in 8 hours of your night-sleep, you don't dream about him. You wanna meet him at every chances, and sweet nothings and words of love are just not enough to describe what you feel. You wanna kiss him. You wonder if he feels the same too. You wanna tell the world how much you love him, and here the problem comes: you can't do that, because you're not ready. Because the closet inside you is still a very comfortable place to escape from the cruel world. Partly, because you can't risk it all for a guy.. After all, you're a man too. You know exactly what men think. You know that your investment on opening up yourself is too big compared too the risk you're taking. You know that men aren't created to be faithful.

So, here's the misery again. You keep playing hide and seek. You become paranoids and anxious. But you can't let go. So you're telling yourself: This is not wrong. AJ is not a criminal. I am fine. It's love.

But is it worth it? Do you love him more than you love yourself? Or is it just better than being alone after all? Or just two men, with the same need, meet at one junction, and 'okay, lets do it'?

Then you lost the fight. He left you. Or he stopped choosing you. For someone else. For some ridiculous reasons like getting married. Marriage or parents may be a good reason. But it is lousy and cheesy. It only suggests one thing: you're not worth it for him to come out or to be claimed as his significant other. You keep second-guessing yourself. You're devastated. But you know, you'll heal. You'll find another guy. And the taste won't be the same.

This is not the first time. But each, still leaves you different kinds of scars.

Life, is not only about love, after all. Dont you think so?
Life, is too short to drown yourself in misery, thinking that you're damaged and scary and bitchy and nobody wants you.
Life, is too short for all that melancholic stuff..Once is a while is okay lar.
So now, lets celebrate. Anything. Your life. Your broken-heart. Your ex. Your future. Anything. You'll get better. Dont punish yourself more. You're not a choice for him. You're everything and the only one for someone else you have yet to meet.


And moreover, I know that you know..
that....

....doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. [Alex Karev, Closing Voice Over, Grey's Anatomy s05e19]

Fiction: Him, Me, and Us

He's still the same person. The same smile, the same big arm, and the same eyes. It was as if time couldnt make an effort to carve the trace of impermanence on his face. And maybe to his soul. He was the same person who would smile idiotically on my sweet-nothings, and then simply said sorry to me. In that way, I was also still the same person: I would laugh pathetically, and then he would just give me a sweet smile.

For the late two years, I have hoped that his smile would always stay in my mind. Hence, I could print it out to my heart whenever the longing on his voice and his eyes were so stinging. Yet, I always failed on that. I didnt know how many times I have spent already, just to wish that my mind were a digital camera; the one that captured his smile in the memory, so the beautiful image could last forever. That wish didnt come true, of course, but now that he's here, it didnt matter anymore.

I always liked the way he told his story. About how the sky that hung above the earth he stood. About the road and the sea he saw, and how the sea became one inseparable line with the sky at one infinite horizon. I liked the sparks in his eyes, the taste of his freedom, and the beauty of his dauntless wings that brought him crossing the entire world. Nothing could stop him. Not even me. And maybe, not even love.

Even more, I liked the way his seemlingly-never-ending-story met the ending conclusion. He would tell me another dream, another destination, and another journey he had planned on. Then, we would just stay silent. For a really long time. I would just look at him, and I saw love. I didnt know about him, and I never would. Because I have never wanted to become a burden to his wings. I couldnt do that. I have never asked him to stay here, for longer, nor forever. This, what we had, was already a bliss, and it's enough. Staring at each other, just like this. Or sometimes, me lying in his arms, and falling asleep there. I was really sure, his arms would hurt like hell when he woke up the next morning, but he never complained. Just a morning smile, sweet as ever, and a funny eyes staring at me.

He was not a person who believed in farewell. To him, there was really never a farewell; because we're all connected. Somehow. And that thought has kept me alive and lively on every morning without him.

But that night, he did something unusual. He smiled, at the end of his story. His reached for mine, and then he hugged me. I almost couldnt breath. But it was warm. No side story.

I looked at him in the eyes. He was staring back at me too.
He didnt smile. I have never seen him like that before.

But it was never too late.

Gently, he then whispered to my ears words that only existed in my dreams: I wanna stay.. this time, forever. For me.

I was silenced. For a minute or two, I thought he must be joking.
But he didnt give out his idiotic smile. He just stared at me.

But why, I asked him.

Because I wanna be with you. He said. Now with his warm eyes. Or is it just me?

You're staying for me? I asked again, with doubt.

No, for myself. I owe it to myself to be with you. I love you.

I love you, too. I whispered back.

He then kissed me.
Two men in the same bed. Who cared about what the world would say?
It didnt matter for him. It didnt matter for me.
So, It didnt matter for us.
That's enough.

Now, excuse me.
I wanna make love to him. ;-)