Is it Love?

When you think about him everyday,
you wonder what he's doing at this very moment,
is it love?
or just being a stalker?

When you think twice of every words to send to him on your every SMS,
and you wait nervously on his reply,
and you wonder what takes him so long,
is it love?
or just being impatient?

When you need his 'good morning' to make your day happy and shiny,
and whenever his greetings are late, you always wonder why,
is it love?
or just being super lame?

When you find yourself, staring at his pics daily,
and you smile when you see his eyes are so bright and happy,
and you silently wish his being well,
is it love?
or just being overly-obsessive?

When you find out that you wanna be with him every single day,
yet you dont know what to say when he's just one click away from your facebook,
is it love?
or just being a coward?

Even when you do know,
you do realise,
he is a complete stranger to you,
would you still say yes if I ask you..
.. is it love?
or just being ridiculous?

Theraphy #4? or 5?

They're all 3-word sentences so I'd have things to say to you instead of the three words that are... that are killing me... The three words that you know I feel but I can't say them, because it would be cruel to say them because I am no good for you. I don't want to torture you. I don't want to look at you longingly when I know I can't be with you. So,yeah,I'm smiling and I'm saying "take care now." I'm letting you off the hook. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to let you off the hook.............. [Owen Hunt to Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy s05e21, in front of Seattle Grace Hospital]

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This week's theme is melancholy. Sigh. Sigh. I've been trying so hard to wake up from the mud of melancholy, yet it's as if that it knows me by my name. So it's like that it's following me around and wont let me off the hook. That's creepy. Wait, is it just me?

I turn to empty air around me. I turned to here and here, and I found the same taste. The old and familiar feeling. So yeah, I've been listening again to some mellow songs. I've been insomniac again, because the loneliness and the darkness are suddenly scarier than ever.

I even cried over Grey's Anatomy. I'm being a cry-baby lately. I dont like it. On one hand, it means that my shield isn't that strong enough. On the other hand, it means that I'm normal. Far more normal than I thought. Because melancholy hits everybody. Not just me.

So I was thinking.

Maybe melancholy is not too bad after all. Like I've said before, it's like a scar. It's a living proof that you have loved, you have fought, but you just lost. And it doesnt really matter. Because you know - I know - that you're going to be just fine. That it's okay to be a cry-baby once in a while.

And the most important thing is, it's about time to really wake up. Nobody's perfect. Nobody will exactly fit your type. Nobody will exactly share the same chemistry. It's time to grow up. Because though maybe my significant other someday wouldnt really be a prince charming in a shining armor, it shouldnt matter. Though he's away very very much ordinary, I'd know I love him. Sincerely. Faithfully. Eternally.

It wont be that long. As I know, we would find each other.. .

I am feeling nausea.

Spending one whole week with guys - some are muscular, some are at least in a good shape, and no women at all - I felt nausea. I lost my lust. I felt shameful. I was ashamed.

And coming back to my routine activity just now, meeting a few cute boys around, I felt the same nausea. Suddenly it all was so familiar to me. It felt wrong. I felt tired. I wont fight no more. It's time to surrender. I cant do this anymore. I wont do this anymore....